Family

Not much time as I am sitting here in my "office" (Hob Nob Restaurant) sipping coffee writing this short, yet thoughtful blog of my childhood family. It may appear a bit vague due to the constant interruptions by patrons, but I will try my best for the time being.

I look around me and see the world rapidly changing as it has for several decades. Yet in these uncertain times I've come to understand what it is that makes up the true "spirit" of humankind. It is "family". Family from my years past a long time ago gives me the "spirit" to stand up against what might be true, might be contrived, might be manipulative in this "global depression". I call it "depression", because what is presently happening is our Media turning our lives into hell via daily reports of a declining economy. The threat of increasing gas and oil prices and the continuing threat of terrorists are blatantly placed in front of our faces. "Where the hell is the good news?!" Thank goodness for those times long ago when "Family" counted and STILL remains! The Media tries and sometimes succeeds and that proof are the piles of Vickie's Secret thongs with words, or phrases, or garnishments of lace and whatever adorning a piece of "string". I know, I lived with two females a short time ago who thought it was so cool to have "string" ride up their asses! Go figure! "Max the Cards we got "bling" in our asscracks!" Good to be 55 and a true Jimmy Buffett fan, 'cause I haven't worn a pair of underwear in 30 years ('cept funerals, weddings and job interviews). Sorry, my bad, but had to share it. "It's a guything".

It was the early 60's and living in the country was the greatest thing since "biscuits and gravy". We had our little neighborhood there on US 31 connecting Niles with Berrien Springs. Many a pet died from the passing of 3 tons of steel when they innocently roamed from our yard to cross the highway in search of "what lay beyond". It was a mournful loss when our dogs would die from those accidents. I remember the night we heard screeching tires and a thud from outside and my family immediately knew what had happened. Our German Shepherd had been hit by a speeding car and crushed the radiator of the vehicle. Sad, but amazed by the fact the animal survived for a few minutes after obliterating a piece of iron, copper and steel. But, as with all kids growing up in the country we soon had a replacement and life continued.

When I mentioned "neighborhood" let me describe a country neighborhood. The houses are separated by yards and miles. We can't hear our neighbors unless they called, or were outside yelling and waving to gain one's attention. Ours was unique in the fact we had 3 homes within walking distance and all were within a short distance of a reservoir, the "leftovers" from a gravel pit still being used. As kids we enjoyed it's amenities in the form of swimming, fishing and ice skating in winter. It was a wonderful time to be a kid in our neighborhood! And! It was a wonderful time for friendships that were bonded by the realisation that they were your "closest" friends, because they lived nearest.

It also was the height of the "Cold War" which played on the minds of everyone. Grade school taught us to hide under our desks in case of a Nuclear Attack....right. The Cold War's prescence was a very impressive "mindf..." at that time. I remember an evening in the yard with my father when I heard a loud explosion. I think I nearly died from fright! I thought the Commies were bombing us and I was wating to see the sky fill with the "radiated mushroom". It took my father some time to calm me down and told me it was the sound resonated by the overhead fighter planes breaking the sound barrier! We survived and we continued with our daily lives despite.

We lived modestly, my father constantly struggling to create his own businesses. I think that's where I have received my "independent spirit". He was "hellbent" on being his own boss (actually, my mother was his real employer) and his confidence in himself was strong due to years of preparation, education and on the job training. He was that "dying breed" of man that was the "perfectionist" Myself and my brother share those traits in our trades and careers. My father's downfall as well as my own I find, is "Marketing". My father eventually took a job in order to keep the bills paid on time and the threats from my mother wanting a "better life" for she and her children. He did well later in life, yet was cut short due to a series of strokes. My brother to this day has done well for himself and is a part of that "breed" I mentioned from being trained by my father in their trade. He has the attitude and fortitude to "do what he sets out to do".

My sister learned from an early age (gonna catch hell for this) how to "manipulate our father. She was a "daddy's girl"; the "apple of his eye". If ever she wanted to raise "warfare" against me it was our father she'd run to and proclaim that I "pissed her off"! She was good.

That was country living. And I wish I had more time to tell it today, because I really need to reflect on my past. I will leave it for next time when I have "more time". Till then, from the "office" of the "World's most Unfamous Artist", I'm outta here.

Bedrock!

Affectionately "coined" by my "sis", Arlene..."Bedrock" a.k.a., downtown Niles. My home of 55 plus years and it's Sunday afternoon. I'm sitting here in my "temporary office" at the Hob Nob Restaurant mulling over bids, layouts and an unseen, unknown future. Niles, that little town on the river, I have to admit I love this town. Everyone says, "Move away, there's nothing there." I have always seen the other side of the coin and it's just perspective. Maybe once again it IS the Artist in me. I see the river as blue! I have friends and family here. This interlude in my life is a "temporary imposition", a test of my character, my integrity and my "faith" in myself.

It's been sometime since I have had "my home". I neglected to keep that little house on Maple street. I sold it in a time of weakness placing my bet on a secure future. "My bad!" I long for peace of mind. I realise it hasn't been there for quite some time, I have been fooling myself through the years that I had a home, a wife, security. Interesting. Interesting how the world can just "toss aside" any sense of remorse, guilt, etc. when it comes to the "maintenance" of people. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, really. Actually, I feel stoopid for my investment. I feel abandoned. However, the other side of the coin has it's (her) own story which I would imagine is justifiable as well.

Yesterday I was going to go out with friends. During the morning and a good portion of the day I worked on signs, in the cold. I went back to my "temporary lodge" to clean up and call the "Pirate" and "Sis". Instead I had an overwhelming desire to just lay down. I set up my laptop and played old movies (no TV, tough to get along without), no internet service (gotta go to my "office" for that). sleep overcame me. Maybe the cold, maybe just the weeks of anxiety, or both! However, it was for the moment, "my cup o' tea". Today, I feel better. My mind is beginning to see beyond the fog and I'm pressing my self to get more business. Nice thing about my talents as a signman, despite the economy, SOMEBODY needs advertising.

It's snowing outside, not laying down, but melting. Spring has a way to remind us of that long silence shared by many who live here in the cold waiting for the temp to edge ever higher. I saw a Robin on my run last week and was reminded that this cold will soon pass. I love warmth! I love green. I love the sound that a Robin makes. It all says "soon, the weather will bring our much needed relief!" Today is just a day to relax and once again, reflect. Tomorrow, well, the Robin's are here till the seasons pass.

The River is blue, dear Readers! It's just the colour of paint we lay down on the canvas.

From the "office" of the "World's most Unfamous Artist", time for a beer!

Time for another story about influences. Next blog.

PEACE!!!!!!!

I feel like a Gurka

Life is a frenzy at this moment, dear Readers. I have hired an attorney at the last moment. I cannot handle this by myself. Knowing I was going to "throw in the towel" would've been the WRONG statement and answer to 11 years of living a life with someone else, sharing, growing, developing, then the inevitable. I don't know where this will take me, some moments I don't care, but! I have to!
The pain is excrutiating, homeless (Laurence, my empathies), not knowing what tomorrow will bring, holding by a thread. I have to say, there "really is a fine edge on the sword" of sanity vs. reality. THANK GOD FOR THERAPISTS!! I'm heading off this evening to see mine.
Trust in me, dear Readers. YOU have stood by me with great words of advice and wisdom. I am by contrast, weak from the months of deliberations over a relationship I "still haven't a clue" to. I just think now of my future, my plans, my goals. I need to focus!
I will survive, regardless of the outcome. I have my dignity! I am afterall,
the "World's most Unfamous Artist"!!
DAMNED!! Why do Artists have so much stinking drama in their lives?!! :)
We all do.
I give my thanks and Love to all who have stood with me and will continue to report to you All as much as I can since I no longer live at the home which once sheltered me.
By the way, I saw my Cardiologist yesterday for my checkup and it was good news......"Run, Forrest!! Run!!!

Reflecting

Yesterday was a "somber" day for me. I had time to think since I was at a jobsite for one of my clients; I was installing vinyl on their trucks. When I'm working for myself, such as on a site painting a sign, or installing vinyl graphics, I think. Generally the work is accomodating for such, because it's something I've done for most of my life and career. But, yesterday as I said was, well, "not my cup of tea".

As I "wrap up" this impending divorce my emotions range from "up" to "down". Typical. Every relationship that comes to an end one, or both parties endure the "emotional consequences". So, while idling my time I reflected upon the past 11 years with my "soon to be X". I thought of the times we spent together, traveling up the coastline of Lake Michigan visiting the resort towns and the times we spent in Saugatuck (the destination of our Honeymoon). Saugatuck was our "special getaway" to relax at the local B & B's. Many a wonderful weekend and most times I would leave with one, or two of my "collectible" Hawaiian Jams shirts (the BEST!!). I reflected on the times we spent on Cozumel Island snorkeling in turquoise water so clear you could see for hundreds of feet. The times spent going "down Island" visiting the resorts, or our favorites, the beach bars". I reflected upon the time we spent Halloween in New Orleans with Friends whom had a time share right in the middle of the French Quarter. I reflected on the many times I would have flowers sent to her workplace, "just because". I reflected upon the many cards I created for her, because "buying" a card would not suffice. I thought for many hours yesterday, dear Readers and I came to this conclusion.

LOVE comes with no "assembly" instructions. LOVE has no guarantees, no warranty, no returns. It is an emotion expressed when two Lives come together and allow all walls to come tumbling down. WE are at it's mercy. Therefore, I came to understand that "I" am responsible and no one else can be held accountable. Seriously, dear Readers, can one put a price tag on LOVE?! Do I regret having fallen in love? No. Am I upset at the outcome of years spent? Yes. However, I cannot bring myself to making this divorce an enterprising opportunity for another attorney (no offense, Jim). I am going to represent myself. You ask, "???!!" If I cannot defend my passions, my flaws, my love, why would I entrust anybody else and who better than I to speak up? I understand the possible outcome of all of this, it's all "Legaleze". And honestly, I don't care the outcome. I have only one thing I want from this end of this affair and that is,.."the Memories", Cozumel, New Orleans, Saugatuck, it goes on. I don't want that to go away. As I mentioned before, "How can one put a price tag on LOVE?"

I am moving out this weekend, because I cannot take the feeling of hate from her. I know she hates the fact I have been living here, because she wants to get along with her "new life" and, so do I. Come the following week we meet with a Mediator, how debasing. I guess I truly am an Artist like I have mentioned in previous blogs, an "emotional rollercoaster". I'm ready for an "Emotional Rescue". Summer's coming and the "Pirate" and I are planning sailing trips. The summer is always a band-aid for "winter's cruelty" and this passing winter held no stops!!

I have always had success and failure as my teachers. I guess that makes me an apt pupil! But, I have never let failure take the pleasure of presenting itself in the form of a "diploma". I will prevail once again only to engage new opportunity. LOVE! What a life I have lived, dear Readers. What friends I have, thank you All!! You are unique in your own ways and eccentricities (take that as a compliment), because this Artist, honestly, cannot tolerate the mundane.

The photos above I found this morning as I was packing items. They are from several years ago when I was invited by my good friend, Tom Rickling, in San Diego to a Jimmy Buffett concert out there. Irony came in the form of some of the worst weather San Diego had experienced and actually cast cold rain and wind on the area (my curse for going to too many JB concerts I'm sure). The photos are taken when Tom and friend Corina decided to take me to Tijuana for the day. We arrived there and still the same weather, cold rain!! After a lunch we decided to take in an off street bar with the locals. So it was for that chilly October afternoon three Gringoes entered the momentarily dismal and depressed "El Reno". We left one "helluva" happ'n bar!! Actually, we were told by the only english speaking patron that it was probably time for us to make our exit 'cause the locals were beginning to enjoy not only our generosities in the forms of tequila shots and Cervesas, but our money was looking good as well. WOW! What an afternoon!! Thanks, again, Tom!

Well, time for me to take advantage of the "springlike" 50degree weather and go for my run outside!! Got another Echocardiogram tomorrow morning to check on the "hole in my valve". Somebody suggested I drink a can of Leakstop..."works for radiators".

From the blogs of the "World's most Unfamous Artist" I say, "Adios!"

Disposables, or the Transparencies

Disposables: Those are the segment of our Society whom face an "uncertain, if not inevitable" end to their "Life as they know it". They are that branch consisting of the white collar, blue collar, professional, non-skilled and skilled group of persons who live their lives clueless as to what "tomorrow will bring". They are that branch of individuals whom go headlong into the "arms of another for Love!" They the throngs who place their faith in our Government, not questioning "It's" motives, decisions and "It's" authority over our daily lives.
I see and read of the masses losing jobs, homes and a way of life they might never see again. I see and feel the "pangs" of Love when it enrapts one, or it leaves one devoid of that "security of having Love in one's arms". I see our Government failing to explain and cure the "Monolith" of debt and abuse of power it has incurred through the "mindless abuse of our Consumerist Society". And now I begin to unfold the reason for this particular "painting" of my life, dear Readers.
As the impending "ugliness" and finality of my Divorce comes to a head I am beginning to review this in a different light. My approach to the matter has at times (mostly) been one of "procrastination through denial". "Wrong thing to do!" I have allowed myself NOT to tackle and remedy immediate issues, such as; an Attorney, a place to live, a bank account on which to live, a second job and the list could go on. I have to ask myself, "Why and for what purpose?" The answer?!! Honestly, "maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. Eh?" Maybe this is that final College Thesis I am to experience in order to achieve my Diploma. Too far fetched? Well, Artist's DO have a reputation for being a bit "out of the ordinary". Emotionally some of us should be clinically impounded. Some Artists such as Van Gogh, "wow", "train wreck!, however, his life is very interesting to me. Number one, his Artistic Production was unique as to in very early years he was producing alot with "no direction", not very much emotion. There came a period of self-denial, an inability to work for lack of "motive". There was his period of a person with self-inflicting emotional and financial wounds caused by the former, I'm sure. Then came a period of indulgence. He was quite the "Bohemian" giving way to the losses he could not explain to himself; love, money, career, etc. Then, briefly, he began to review these experiences and thus gave way to a new "expression" of his life and his emotions and his view of reality. To a "layman" this might seem quite f....d up! His paintings evoke this "madman" with a knack for distorting the reality of imagination. For me however, I see it as the end of His apprenticeship in Art, just in a more severe way. I try to stray from the self-inflicted tortures through abuse of Absinthe and cutting one's earlobe off! I would think the hangover from the Absinthe would be enough!
So, here I am once again in the "Rider's Seat" being driven to..."who knows where". But, this time it's different. Rather than accepting the "ride" I am also beginning to look out the window during my "Ride". I accept the fact that the wheel might be in someone else's hands, but it is me who has "climbed into the passenger seat". It's my Destiny, my Fate. As I like to say, "We come into this life alone and go the same way, it's all about "how y'wanna go!" It's been quite the "emotional roller-coaster" for the past several decades and now it is time to reflect, ingest and "Paint". I have quite literally made myself "Disposable" to someone else's inabilities to keep a promise of "Love". Something "popped that festering boil" inside this relationship and I Know it wasn't all my doing. And for the first time in my life "I don't care!" I am ME! I kinda like ME! And so do quite ALOT of people! So, gotta be sumthin' there besides the entertainment. I'm a bit "gunshy" in the Love Dep't at Macy's right now, but I have love from friends and family.
Last week my friend Bill asked if I wanted to join him on a roadtrip to Indy and to Louisville for the weekend. I needed the emotional break and said yes. As we were heading back to Indy Saturday afternoon from a convention in Louisville, Bill had called his girlfriend. His conversation ended with, "I love you." I felt a hole grow inside. I remember that! Love! And now I'm on the road with no one to say it to. That "special love" between two people, it wasn't there. The hole hurt my gut. And then, my cell rang; sometimes things "just happen", it was my daughter Kellie calling to tell me her boyfriend just proposed and!! it was His Birthday! Dear Readers, I needed that. I guess I needed it so much I broke into tears of joy. Gawd! How embarassing! In front of my friend I'm blubbering like a baby! However, as true friends go, he offered me a tissue. ...thanks, Bill! I felt like I was on a cloud! I needed that! I love Kellie and her boyfriend (now fiance) Aaron. And they have given me a beautiful grand daughter! (Okay, Audrey and Seth, "It's your turn!") See, dear Readers, I might be "gunshy, a bit jaded", but I realise love is still in my heart and will always be. The "disposable" guy I have been made into will be (maybe) sorely missed by someone someday. It's already too late to reconcile. My heart has no place for her and "it's here on the internet"!
And now for the Transparencies. It was Monday, late afternoon as I was leaving work and walking through the parking lot I passed a man with a garbage sack in hand. I will describe him as (and I hate saying, or using the word) a "black" man, bedraggled and quite "buzzed"! As I passed him rather than hearing, "can you spare...." instead, it was, "Don't mind me Sir, I'm just lookin' for cans and bottles." I passed and got into my van. As I sat there I watched him rummaging through the plastic bins that many do nowadays and then it hit me! That could be me! These times are uncertain and who knows what tomorrow will bring?! I circled the parking lot digging for money at the same time and found a $5 bill. I drove into the alley he was in and stopped. He was trying to navigate a smaller alley about 3 feet in width. As he bounced with the agility of a dancer this person was without a doubt, "shitfaced"! I rolled the window and motioned to him. He came up to the van and handed him the $5 bill. I said, "Here, I don't care what you do with this, I just want you to know that I care." Dear Readers, WTF!! What is happening to me?! This Man looked at me with bloodshot eyes and sobbed! It wasn't just tears, it was PAIN! I felt for this person. I felt his pain! And then through the veil of saltwater he tried to tell me his story. It was brief, but it was his life. He was a carpenter, also an alcoholic, had also been kicked out of his home. He faced that evening not knowing. Fear was his reason to be drunk. The uncertainty of what "tomorrow will bring" is always (for some) a good excuse to drink. However, I didn't care at that moment, I was more moved by the fact that this individual brought back to me a flashback of Nicaragua as I saw the face of that little girl standing on a boulevard begging. I left him by saying I knew his pain without being in his shoes. And as I drove away pissed off at my inability to help other than give him some change for more drink, I became angry! I realised for the first time how WE as a nation, supposedly the richest, have completely ignored our fellow Humans. WE have ignored their plight, their fight to eck an existence on a daily basis! My predicament is NOTHING compared to that Man's plight!!! I am guilty for ignoring him and others whom exist in OUR country!! As I sat that late afternoon sipping my beer at the Nuggett downtown, I felt a parallel to my existence and his. The difference only that I have opportunity and he has none.
How and Why, dear Readers?! This question is certainly one we will all be asking shortly. The episode that afternoon has given me another canvas to paint. My emotions are high, my heart is for humankind and we certainly need more. I will bid you all Peace and hope you all will share your thoughts to the world on this growing issue.
Not quite the way I thought this blog would end, but it's the same with my painting, also. From the "World's most Unfamous Artist", thank you.
......**I dedicate this blog to the memory of my Father who was born on this day and who gave our Family his devoted love. I still miss him and his guidance after his passing 34 years ago. "If there is a Heaven I know he's there and he's the "Bartender"!!!****

Disposables

Prepare yourselves, Dear Readers, for I embark upon a most serious journey this evening! I will bring to light the tragedies, the highlights, the pains, the joys of the "World's most Unfamous Artist". It will be the exposed, vulnerable and raw side of this Artist, this dislocated "Tropical Gypsy".
The "Roller Coaster of Life" will forever have a track that twists and turns; parables equating themselves to love and pain, sight and sound. "I am ready to paint." My canvas momentarily will be the pages of the computer, my brushes, the keyboard.
I realise the purpose of "my Journey", self-inflicted, or otherwise. "Interpretation" is the key for the medium and execution of my experiences over the past nine months of this "whirlwind" relationship with Humankind. My emotions have heightened themselves to a point I never realised. I welcome it. This Artist, unfamous for the moment, has seen his destiny wrought by Fate, it cannot be left "to pass" without my input.
My apprenticeship into the Art world was brought to my attention many years ago by two fellow Artisans whom I admired most. They gave me the "ability to see" and in turn I gave them a student "hungry to express himself" through art! My first inluence was a professor of Art at Indiana Univ. in South Bend, IN. As I sat in my chair working on a design project I had many hours into he walked by, reached down, crumpled my paper and said, "Start over." He could see my anger. And as he walked away he turned, looked into my eyes and said, "Someday, You will better than the average Artist. Now, do it over."
The second influence in my career came from a well-known Illustrator and Water-Colourist in the Mid-West, especially Chicago. How she ended up at a community college was beyond me. Maybe to get away, but for me it was an opportunity no one else on campus shared. She realised my potential, but knew my faults, she had work ahead for me, a lot of work. I was given a project to work on for several weeks. Each day I practised with a brush on small pieces of illustration board (6"x9"). Then she told me to go purchase a LARGE board. After weeks of painting minute "splashes" of colourful vegetables (she thought my carrots were sexy...back off, Pervs!!) and shapes of people I could only stare at this empty landscape of white. I sat, day after day. She was patient, I was becoming restless. And then it happened, my hand moved across the white landscape floating colours and shapes. I didn't have a clue to what I was doing, but it flowed; pure emotion. The several weeks of repetitious paintings and days of sitting mindless "came to fruition" in one hour. My "Mentor" came up to me and handed me her most favourite watercolour brush and said, "You're on your own, there's nothing I can teach you. You are now your own Teacher." "Wow!"
So, now it is time for this person to "Stop" the procrastination! and "Stop" the "mindf...s" brought down upon me by someone's inability to communicate to me.
"Nuf' said!"
Tonight!!!

Seriously, Folks...

***If there are any comments in this new Blog that are repeated from others forgive me. I am at that "age" that repetition and golf carts become Life.

A recent comment to my previous blog has once again brought to my attention of the impact of how "paraphrasing" one's own life can have significant diverse meaning for the Reader. Let me "set the Record straight". This blog(site) is simply "a collection of my thoughts". It is a part of my Art. It's "birth" came from the frustration of "life in general", of a relationship (once again) torn asunder by consequences stemming from TWO people never REALLY allowing the ability to talk to one-another. AND!! from one person's "change" of personality. I'm not finger-pointing, but "I'm" pretty much "cut-n-dry". I admit I am not the easiest person to live with. Ask my children. They'll say, "Oh, yeah!" But, they know they are loved. And to me there can be no greater explanation of Life than that; the love from Family. REAL Family. Wherever I will be after my Divorce, my Family AND Friends will always be there. THAT in itself makes this world (especially in these uncertain times) worthwhile. How can one give up memories?! Good, bad, life as my father always expressed quite simply as, "...shit, or get off the pot."
There are no feelings in me of suicide. There are no feelings in me to go out and do a "stoopid stunt" involving large amounts of explosives and a lighter. "Which brings me to mind"! I know you all have witnessed "stoopid acts", right?! Or you have,..maybe even involved yourself in a couple. Imagine yourself "pulling up" to the gas pump to refuel. You get out of your car, reach for the hose and then,..you see it. At first you say, "naw..." and then you begin to "take in everything that tells you to instinctively return the hose to the pump, return to your car and drive away,..FAST!!" Because! Because you have witnessed a "stoopid act"!! Yes,..happened to me. Saw it, couldn't believe it, "oh hell, what am I thinking, this IS Michiana." I was ready to fill the tank of the mini van and I noticed on the other side of the pump was a "derelict" pickup truck complete with the dog from "Saliva World" sitting behind the steering wheel (I now know why). It was the bed of the truck that REALLY caught my attention, for in the bed was a man, neither young , nor old, sitting atop gas cans (this was when gas prices dropped from a "gajillion" dollars a gallon to slightly over $2, I'm sure he couldn't forecast the additional drops to come), still pouring gas into another and SMOKING A CIGARETTE!!! I kid you not!! Yes, dear Readers, stoopidity extends throughout the Nation beside the Banking Institutions, Auto Industry and our Government (I'm sure I'll burn for that comment).
So you see, there you have it. I love my life despite the "interruptions". So much to be thankful for, I'm certainly thankful I have never smoked cigarettes! Certainly thankful my parents gave us the opportunity to learn "how to survive". Thankful for my family and friends. And especially thankful I can run. I've never really had any other "pressing" goal, besides my Art and well, a good game of golf, but this "running thing"... can't really say, but it's my passion. Maybe it's the freedom I feel, the opportunity to run another mile farther. I do know it's certainly a stimulant for "mellowing" one's mind. I do know how it came about. In Jr. High I tried to compete in sports. Growing up Asthmatic "sucks"! Literally! Growing up with Asthma (I had it BAD people!! REAL BAD!!) was a pain. I couldn't do much as far as extensive play, exercise, etc., because it could trigger an attack. "Way back when", if I had an attack I had to take a pill and then wait for the effect of the pill which could take up to 30 minutes. If any of you out there have ever been diagnosed with "acute Asthma" YOU will understand. Back then there were no "magical" inhalers. To fully understand this take a plastic bag and put it over your head to completely cover it. Now tighten it around your throat just enough to allow a tiny bit of air, then breathe. That's Asthma. Asthma made my life difficult, but it didn't stop me from trying! "Screw the 'Bouts!!" ...Back to Jr. High.
I tried out for Track. Dear Readers, "what the Hell was I thinking?!" 8th grade and I can't remember cresting 4'10" and 65lbs!! Asthma really "played a number on me". Anyway, I think I made two tryouts then quit, "couldn't doit", but, that didn't stop me. Slowly, determinded, day by day, I ran. the Asthma eventually decided that I was not stopping and left. Years of suffering from lack of O2 just simply "went away". And that is when my Running said, "Let's see what these feet can do!!" Today at 55 (and getting younger :) !!!) Wintertime, indoor track (hate it) 5-7 miles. Warmer weather, outside, 8-10 miles. Summertime, HEAT (love the heat!), 10-12 miles...daily. Not bad, eh? Not training for any Marathons, any Races, just doin' it for ME.
I'm going to bring this Blog to a close by saying; my life REALLY IS a WONDERFUL life. I am blessed with Family and Friends. This Blog has become my "book" about my life, my thoughts, passions and the cold "slapintheface" at times. I have no desire to "pass on" early. I have no desire to sit atop gas canisters in the back of a truck smoking a cigarette! This Blog is not a CD, DVD, Tivo, VCR, Beta, however I have had the occassional "KODAK Moment". This "Internet thingie" kinda caught my interest to help publish my thoughts and how I think it has "come to this point". Therapy. My laptop is my pen and "good 'ol ATT" is providing the pages. At times I might come across as bitter, hopeless and confused, however, it is "all but that"! This is kinda my epitaph BEFORE I do "hitch that ride on the Celestial Train to parts unknown", but I only have to look outside my livingroom window to the house next door. "Eh?!" Yes, next door LIFE is a VERY precious commodity right now to my friend, Jane. Jane has Cancer, in a very bad way (if Cancer was just other than...). She smiles at me when I see her. Lovely lady and very optimistic, but realizes she's "got alot on her plate". Chemo, Radiation, Surgery...no, my life is NOT as bad as it sounds. Jane is just One of many in this world, I know that to be a fact. I cannot sit back in self-pity and not think of others. While in Nicaragua I learned for the first time the stark reality of how "brutal" life can be if you're borne into REAL poverty. It "rattled my flip flops" while driving through Managua and I noticed a very little girl 5, maybe 6 years old, begging while standing on a boulevard in heavy traffic. It was more crushing to see her anguish while she returned to the piece of cardboard she used for a cushion on that boulevard. She simply,..gave up. No, mind you, she didn't give up begging, that was her means for survival. But, as we passed by while sitting in the air-conditioned SUV, I saw her eyes. THAT HURT!!! HURT LIKE HELL!!! But, she's only One of the Millions and growing!!
Yes, Dear Readers, WE are BLESSED. If you're reading this while sipping your coffee, drinking your beer, wine, cold cola, YOU'RE BLESSED!! Even my friend "L" who was living in his car for some time, Dude, you experienced hell, but You have opportunity!! You are YOU!! Makes a helluva difference when you're 5 and growing up in Poverty than to be 55 and trying to make a new start! I believe in you. I believe in ME.
After this Divorce, I'll be glad not to notice a Macy's flyer, Vickie's Secret catalog on my table. I'll relish the absence of the "fu.... up" socalled Reality Shows. "OH! OH! HERE'S A GOOD ONE!!!" I'm sitting in the Nuggett (watering hole in downtown) tending a microbrew when this fellow comes into the bar...eh?! ready for this?!! He's dressed as....Brett Michaels from "Rock of Love"!! TO THE TEE!! Hair, Cowboy hat, fashionably tattered jeans,..EXCEPT!! This is where he failed,.."no Octane infused, Gravity-defying, Pornstar Tittied Bimboes!! Dude?!! WTF?!! Loser!! I nearly lost it! Yes, my "soontobe X" would've pissed her stretch denim jeans! (serial, people, no bitterness....)
Okay, Dear Readers, the Java is kick'n my kidneys! Gotta go...
From the flailing fingers of the World's most Unfamous Artist,...
Thank you! "I LOVE THIS BAR!!!"