360 degrees and still turnin'

Sorry I've been absent in my blogs, Dear Readers. I shall quote from a dear and true longtime friend of mine, [from the blog Waking Up Horny] "Note to self: I think I'm lost. I've gone to go look for myself. If I get back before I return, please ask me to wait." Thank you, Laurence! If any of you out there want to read some interesting work by a truly gifted writer please visit, http://www.wakinguphorny.blogspot.com/ . This guy is ingenious. Actually, he was in one of my original blogs as to Inflences in my life.

And that brings me to my next blog. I am dedicating this blog to "my Children". There's been an addition along the way, Kellie, the daughter of my present wife and soon to be "X". Kellie regards me as her father and has borne one of my grandchildren. So I shall list "my Children" chronologically by age. (sorry, Kel Bel. I chose to make you last, but not least important).

Seth, my oldest, is my son from my first wife, Rebecca. God! You know, if I could go back...however, I'm here. I just wish that I could've in my "road to try to find myself" spent more time on the asphalt with him! As Seth would say, "Pops, forget it. I love you." What a wonderful talented lad he is. When Seth was a child, I think he was seven years, he contracted Cancer. A tumor formed behind one of his eyes. The doctor who was treating him prior said it was just swelling, probably due to an infection. The day the eyelid started to protrude his mother and I knew it was definetly NOT an infection. We drove Seth to Riley in Indy. The doctors immediately sent him into surgery for a biopsy. the result made my heart sink. How could this small, beautiful child have this?! As his mother and I looked around the hospital we saw others. Babies dying, children dying. What and how do we explain this to our son? During our trip back home we tried to explain to Seth the disease. I think at the time he knew something was fu.... up. I tried to explain it as a "bad cold". "DOH!!!" The child had CANCER!!

Seth, went through radiation, chemo, the child was doused and bombarded, but behaved as best as he could. He survived the torment. He had one eye that was just not the same as his other, but he had them both.

His mother and I divorced in 1990. Seth and my other two were taken away. Probably a good thing now that I look back. Children really need a nurturing mother and Rebecca was attentive. Seth and I (he being the eldest child) drifted apart. I accept blame for that. But he was rebellious to say the least. And sadly, it came to pass that he felt he was "old enough" to defy me as most boys do their fathers. It lasted for years, I ignoring him and he likewise. It really was tough trying not to acknowledge your own son and quite "childish" on my part. Finally, one day at a family birthday party Seth and I crossed paths. "JEEZUS!" My teenager had become a man! A big man!! He came up to me, hugged me, apologised, then we both wept as grown men should. Since then, he has been a beacon for me through my present troubled situation. He has surprised me with his knowledge and his wisdom. He has also borne to me two beautiful grandchildren. I must take time with my grandkids, 'cause "I'm livin' on overtime!" So, I say to my son, "Ich liebe dich, meinen sohn!"

Next in the "briarpatch" came Audrey, "Audio" is her nickname which is appropriate, 'cause she wailed and screamed as a baby!! Audio was the "leader of the pack". She was ambitious as a child as she is today. She was a very intelligent child as she is today. Audrey excelled at anything she attempted, softball, school, baton, etc. She was my little "tomboy", yet loved her Barbie Dolls. Once again, it saddened me the day they left when her mother and I divorced. And like her older brother, she too decided not to "see daddy" for awhile. However, she showed up at my doorstep with her younger brother one day (whilst married to this second woman) and apologised. I did too. Since then she has borne me two beautiful grandchildren. She's attending IU and working fulltime. she got her license in cosmetology and hair, but that "wasn't gonna get it". Audrey is a beautiful young woman with an opportunity in life I admire and wish I had more of. Through this time of hardship, she too has been there for me. And so to my daughter, thank you and I am proud of you. I love you, Audio.

Last on the totempole came James. "Jamers, Choad," good lord the teasing we ALL gave the lad. James was born on Christmas morning, the first baby in the hospital born!! I remember the nurses bringing him out wrapped in a Christmas Stocking. How apropo! James was my "palette" in life. There was something in the child that reminded me so much of myself. Growing up his actions and behavior was very similar to mine (I'm always on his toes to this day to do as I say and not as I have done!!!). James was a "clean" kid. Naive in a sense as I was growing up. And when his sister decided to not see me he was kind of "thrown into the same boat without a paddle". He, too, like his sister was on my doorstep apologising. To this day he reminds me more and more of me. He is ambitious with his Art, very Idealistic, very "GQ"! Snappy dresser! Talented! Excited about the world!! He's a damned good kid! Always has been. And to you my fledging "Andy Worhol", thank you, son. I never have said it enough to you, but I really do love you and am very proud of you and your present accomplishments.

Finally, Kellie (Kel Bel). It's wild! She was my stepdaughter, but behaved EXACTLY like my chldren!! We argued! We battled!! But through it all, I somehow became her "father". You know, nothing makes a man so proud when something so beautiful happens like that! She too has borne me a beautiful grandbaby. And to you my dear I say this, "Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be your father, it is truly an honour!" And DAMNIT!! When do I get to walk you down the aisle?!!!

So, Dear Readers, I shall wrap this up with this; I have lived a long life. Good, not so good. Wealth, not so much wealth. I have been a "neglectful" father, but I was too young in my mind. I am however, because of my children, the opposite today. Okay, Okay, some of you are saying "He still parties!" True, I am a Bohemian as was MY father. My lust for life is more "Jimmy Buffett" than most. However, my children have made me come to know my "otherside" and that is this, "I could never, ever paint a more beautiful canvas than my Children being in my life. I have to say there could never be more wealth than they!! They love me "unconditionally" for who I am and they know their father has the potential to become the Artist he desires. I cannot count the blessings they have given to me! I love them dearly.

Thank you my Children!! Thank you!!

I bid you, Good Night, dear Readers from the

World's most Unfamous Artist!

An Ode to Cupid

I'm sitting here this Valentine's Day morning in my studio. It's quiet. The woman upstairs is sleeping. The person I celebrated 11 Valentine Days with what seems a long time ago and now seems "never to have happened at all". "T'was but a dream? A fantasy?" No bother. My heart is now encased in acrylic. It will go to no one. "Will it ever?", I think. For now NO. Absolutely NO. Cupid is but an Imp to me playing my "HeartStrings" out of tune! I don't trust anyone to come into my realm of love which I find is vulnerable without a doubt. I give no more. ...for now.

However, I am not totally devoid of the passions I find in my life. My friends, my Art, my love for Humanity as a whole. There are new worlds (this planet, of course) to explore, new friends to make.

I have to say this. Through my years of relationships I have found that, "yes, I can love another, again". I am capable. But, it grows very tiring at times when one gives so much and in the end what I thought was "it", "it" fades as did the others. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this "romance stuff". It sure as hell has taken it's toll this time. Especially when I told myself, "never ever again." This is My Path. This is My Lot in life. I've given much thought over the past months as to "what's wrong with me?" Still haven't "the foggiest!" Maybe I REALLY am an Artist! Maybe I am one of the "cliched/sterotyped" artists that cannot ever hold a relationship. So be it, IF it is true. This last relationship, I really have questioned. "Who's gettin' burned, here?!"

Anyway, allow me to say this, Dear Readers, "Happy Valentine's Day!" If you are in love treasure the moment. If someone loves you adore it. If they wish to tell you they "Love You" return it and return it Everyday. Treat one another like tomorrow will not be there. Cuddle. Share a cup of coffee. Say nothing. Hold hands. Look at the sun and breathe in it's warmth. Watch the night sky in winter together and admire the colors which are so intense. Create a passionate nickname for one another. Try a new restaurant only you and your lover will be known in and everyone else a stranger, because the radiance of love ALWAYS attracts people, therefore new friends will come into your life to enjoy what you have. Grow old together with a young heart. And when Death seperates you, the world will weep as well.

I have loved, Dear Readers.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

Stop, breathe, think

So I am looking back and notice the past several posts have nothing to do with the intended journey I planned. "MY GOD!" I need to shake it off! My apologies to those of you folowing this blog. It's the "petty bs " that becomes boring and in turn creates "boring people".

There are other influences in my life. Many. I'll write in the early morning tomorrow.

Mindless crap generating from the BOOB TOOB

I don't know what it is, but there are to women watching a TV show on my futon. My bed. What they are watching is more of the issue..American Dance Off!! OOOOHH!! I am so impressed by gyrating, hip hop dancers mimicing what has been done before. Then there is the "canned" screaming throngs of untold and unseen millions in the background! Mindnumbing crap! Can anybody relate?!

And what is worse I think the two bimbos watching that crap are really into it! No! I take that back, they live it as well as the other bullshit TV shows on nowadays.

Whatever happened to shows with substance? Movies, classics, etc. Instead they are being replaced with Entertainment that ISN'T Entertainment at all. Just BS! Seems like EVERYONE can be a star!

However, I have been slammed with the likes of MTV reality shows, Dance shows and Brett (does this bandana make my ass look big?) Michaels Rock of Luv.....GAK!!! I wanna Puke!!! And the women in this household soak it up!! It's amazing!! You know, a monkey would probably turn the History channel on! I don't know. I do know this, I was condemned for watching my shows and OMG!! if I ever commented on how mindless their shows were!!

Seems I've written about this before, eh?!!

Enough!

I have had enough! Enough snow! Enough cold! Enough!! And this is maniacal since I CAN move! I can! I'm lookin'! Lookin' South! Far South! Very far!! Listened to some Jimmy Buffett this afternoon whilst doing my deliveries. Wrong! You know, for as much as the Man makes me feel good about livin' life as a Tropical Gypsy there is that very small factor of his songs which hit me hard! They're his "Heart Songs" I shall call them. Two in particular that move me to the edge of sadness are what I listened to this afternoon. Why?! Why not.
One that effected me most was one that I feel right now after years of giving. And that is what i do best! Give. I give and ask nothing in return. So it is with much sadness that I have given many years to someone and asked nothing in return. Maybe I should have. Now I do!
Jimmy's song hits home. I had no goals of my own, just to give what I could, all I could to see someone else reach their own. In return I guess I expected the only thing, to be loved forever, unconditionally. ..? "What the fu.. was I thinking?!!?" So the end result; "I'm Jaded." Yep! 100%!! Don't want to EVEN think about fallin' in love with ANYBODY, EVER!!! TOO MUCH WORK AND TIME TRYING TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE 24/7.
Hey! I said this Blog was about me. My time out to Vent. To feel a bit down now and then, I'm entitled. Confusion is a state of mind, at times.
Winter. "Bah Humbug!" Winter will drag most down like a stormy sea. The faint of mind will go ALL the way. Me, well, thank God for bills!! Visa, MC, insurances, ...pretty screwed up, eh? My saving grace; Bills and Anthony Bourdain's, "No Reservations". That Dude has my "dream Job"!
I'm digressing. I haven't written in my Blog for quite some time. For a while it was pretty often. Need to focus. Need to focus for my upcomiong show.
I'm ranting. Boring. I'll write later. Just wanted to see myself think.
The other Buffett song? Well, I want it played at my "wake"/ Tiki Party. It goes (maybe I've written this before, if so, forgive me)

"Some people never find it. Some only pretend, but me. I just want to live happily-ever-after every now and then."
C'est Bonne!

So! I clicked these damned ruby slippers and...

Please, bear with me, but I have to vent. I know, as usual. It's 5am and I've been awake since 3am. Started reading the news on the Internet. "BAD MISTAKE!"

I really have made up my mind that Americans as a whole are looking for a "bailout". "Ain't my fault!" "Wasn't me."

So, now we are on the threshold of a "New Tomorrow". Right. Miracles will abound!! Oh, yeah. So, can anybody out there tell me that a vote, "ANY VOTE!!" would make a new tomorrow?! We have new President. He's black. And?!! Is he "White America's great White Hope?! And I fear that many of the poor who voted for him are thinking there is "going to be a new and better tomorrow!"

If he were of Hispanic, Greek, Italian, Jewish, Hindi, German, Finn, Irish, Scot, Brit,....well, hopefully i don't have to name every damned creed on the planet, would it make a difference?! Will there be peace in the Middle East tomorrow. Will small bands of mercenaries (does't that word strike you as odd?! I mean, the word mercy seems like it belongs in there somewhere) stop torturing and killing mothers and their children in small villages in poor nations in Africa?! Will corruption in politics in the US stop? ...will weapons not be sold to the highest bidder? ...does the World really want Peace?! ..go back to the previous question, as long as someone can "make a buck", someone's gotta pay. Harsh thought, eh?! Can a Native-American Indian run for President?? and, if so, has one ever? And, if not, ... ...why?.....

And!!! OMG!! Is Oprah gaining weight, again?!

America, man! Whatta Party! Oh, yeah, has anybody got the latest tally in $$ on the new PElect's tab over the last 2 years? I'm excluding the 150 million plus for the Inauguration.

Actually, I'd be more interested in the combined monies spent over the last three years by the one's who DIDN'T win!

"OK!! Enough already! These damned Ruby Slippers are not working!!" "I've been had!" "Hey buddy! I want my Magic Beans back!" "And where's that guy with the Golden Egg Goose? We gots to talk, dude."

Sock of Luv!! Or, "Do you think my bandana makes my ass look big?!"

Is it me, JEEZUZ?! Brett Michaels?!! I dunno? Can somebody tell me about the charisma this dude has?! Shit! I say we send him to the most militant Islamic nations and release him like the "Plague" he is! Can I getta "whoop whoop?!" Seems like anything with big tits and no brains fawns over him! This evening, I spent a grueling hour listening to all the "Bimboes" telling him how much they adored him and wanted to sleep with him! Seems like yeaterday when I was slammed for watching anything of substance (you know; the news, food channel, travel channel...) LORD help me if I made a comment about the "Rock of Love"!!!!! I was immediately banished to some "Island of the Damned!" How could I?!! No! Why would I attack that. Man of all Men?! Mr. B. Michaels?!! "OOOH! He's so hot! The way he wears his cowboy hat and that bandana!! OOH! Stop it, Brett! Stop! Oh, you, Thavage, you!!"

Once again, dear Readers, Vulvoes outweigh common sense!

"Somebody jus' shoot me!"

Testosterone?!! No way! Can't even scratch my balls when Brett's on the tube!