Christmas 2008

Did everyone have a good Christmas? I did.
I spent it with MY Family, my kids, my grand kids, even the X. My present (soon to be X was there. too), but I had a WONDERFUL time with MY kids. It took me back to when I was a FATHER to MY Kids. We shared memories of when they were little ones and I was their Dad takin'm places and havin' fun!!
Never had to walk on "eggshells" worrin' if I was gonna hurt their feelings. 'Cause I was their Father. What I said was law and for their own good. AND only a Father will understand where it is I "come from".
They're Great kids with Brilliant Futures.
THEY LOVE ME, UNCONDITIONALLY!!! Ain't nobody can take that away!!!
To my Sister, Arlene, YOU ROCK!!
To the Pirate, keep the faith, Babe and don't sink the ship!
To "Muh", dude, Antarctica!?!!??
To Larry, It's gonna happen, hold on!
To Todd, be YOU!! PLEASE!!!
To Ulrik, DAGMAR?!! We gotta talk, U DAWG! ..?!!cool! And let me know when Mana is playin Managua, "cause I'm gonna be there!! miss you and talking to your ol' man. God! He really needs to go to a Buffett concert with me to loosen up!! Loved his cigars, though!
To Suzeebee, thanks for takin time to give me feedback.
To the rest....whoa...
To B-Guy, thanks, man. We're ol' signmen and gotta be proud. I'm gonna make '09 our best, I promise.
To Senor Tracey, please write!!!
To all my friends and Readers, 2009 can only bring 2 things; success, or failure. I know where i'm gonna go.
Peace! and Happy Holidays!
Failure is not failure, it's a test. It's opportunity to change something that "ain' gonna work no matter how hard you try to fix it. Sometimes you just gotta push it aside and say,...NEXT!!!
It's getting close, Dear Readers. The Artist in me is starting to be "Reborn". Some of you are too young to remember when I was the "crazy Artist runnin' around Niles, doin' my Thing. All I gotta say is this, "He's back and He's ready to let lose!!" It will be an AWESOME year for the Artist! Just wait!
"I ain't playin' no more, thanks to someone reminding me that I REALLY was WASTING my time being NOBODY, but a "houseboy"!!
Time to follow my dreams.
Peace, my Friends. Yes, I'm pissed off. More at my self for being a fool. Like I said, "never again and don't f... with me!!" I'll share the ride, but that's all. My love is reserved to true friends and to my children and theirs.

My Heart

Growing up I never considered myself as goodlooking. I was taunted through school, beatup, continually harassed because of my size (I graduated weighing 112lbs) and forever was embarassed by my looks. I wasn't "cool", didn't "hang" with the upper crust, the jocks,...I felt like a nobody. I did have my "misfit " group of friends. They were my home. The artists, brainiacs, weirdoes, the girls who were dowdy, or very smart (not good to be seen with a jock), the "exotic" girls who were above the BS in school.

And so it was that I had accepted the fact I were to be forever "without" a girlfriend. I thought.

And then,...well, how does one describe the feeling that an Angel had come forth to rescue me from my "cell of doubt"? She was sitting on a sofa in a friends living room. It was a party. Not the kind of party one probably thinks; no booze, no drugs, no kinky stuff in the bedroom, just a party of friends that gathered to be with one another. She was sitting there. I was in awe. She was beautiful and "where the Hell did she come from?" I think she noticed me looking. I can't remember if we were introduced, or if she began the conversation, but I found myself sitting next to her. I was shy. I was embarassed to be near such beauty. "I was not worthy."

Her hair was red. Almost a golden red. It was curly from, I would have thought, hours sitting before a magic mirror getting ready for the Ball. Her skin was fair and soft. Her eyes radiated the colors of a heritage bred from two nations. She was...."drop dead gorgeous!!" And I was sitting next to her.

The evening passed too soon. We said goodbye. I wanted to see her again, yet I was too shy to ask and too nervous to try. I felt I was not worthy of such a creature. Alas, she had a suitor. A boyfriend?, mmm I don't think so. There were many fellows from our school who would have been enamoured to have her as their "girl". I went into the night, home wondering.

I found out she and her family moved from Detroit to the area. She was bred in the finest of schools. Charm school. She could sing, dance, act, read poetry, perform water ballet. She was witty, intelligent, worldly and her laugh would turn the heads of doves. She was in every bit of the word "perfect". Then it hit me. I was falling for this charming beauty. I wanted to stop it. I would only hurt myself at the hint of refusal. But, we met again. It was then I had decided to "ask her out". The Ready Theatre. A movie. I felt the weight of my fears. Denial, humiliation, they were my stones through life. I pressed. I asked. ..... ..... She ACCEPTED!!!

It was the beginning of a fairy tale for me. I was transformed from the school mascot to the school enigma. "How does Lidecker end up with a girl like that?! Trust me, not even I could figure it out. It was the beginning of a new life for me. She was my dream. However, it was just "the beginning".

We had gone on many dates. There were the trials and tribulations that come with any possible relationship, however. There was the issue of the "suitor". He was in my class (she was a junior, I a senior) and I new him. We were, prior to my interest, friends. But that, as we do, changed. He became a rival and suddenly I was thrown into a world I had never experienced before; JEALOUSY!!!! Not good! It is a common thing amongst young men, however when the testosterone is flowing!! For myself, it could be devastating. I battled with my fears. It did however ebb when the "suitor" was told he would be "just a friend". Should have ended there (my fears).

I remember growing closer to her each time I was with her. I was now beyond the "point of no return", I was "falling in love". Why not? She was as I had described the most beautiful young woman in the world!! And so, it was time to let her know my feelings. But how? I lacked the experience. The finesse. I was nervous. And then, I decided it was time. I picked an evening.

We were walking together, hand-in-hand as we often did. She lived in town, I in the country. I enjoyed Niles in those days, still a bit of business thriving downtown. I enjoyed the bustle of the small town compared to the rural life I had lived from birth. As I was saying, we were walking along one of the streets near her house. It was then I began to blurble my words. I was starting to back out. I had to fight my fears! I stammered some more. She was piqued by my attempts to talk. I saw a street sign. Third street. "I would use the street sign to tell her!" I said, "There is something I have to tell you, but cannot. It's like the street sign. It has three words." She knew. She was amused (in a good way mind you). "I want to tell you that,..that,.. I,.. I,.. it's like the sign. I want to tell you (good gawd man! give it up!!) that I love you." My god, that was the most difficult thing I had ever had to say in my entire life. Those three words alone can decide the destiny of one's life.

We kissed. My first kiss ever. Not the best, I'm sure, but for me it was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced, ever!! It was the beginning of many a walk and many kisses. It was also the beginning of the test of friendships and the encounter of the other side of John Lidecker.

Our lives were bonded through the "union of one's first love". We were inseperable. I would try my best to be with her every moment possible. She was always in my thoughts. I wrote her love songs. ......it was beautiful,...but, I was harbouring a beast.

I could write page after page of my love this person. I could write the details of our lovelife, but will not. I will write however, my epitaph. For it is when I die that I shall want the world to know "A chronological history of the Artist".

I mentioned my fears. My fears were my enemies the strongest being my Insecurity. The other Distrust. They festered in me as a virus taking control of my mind. When she would go out with her friends I questioned her. If she did not return my calls I waited (no cell phones in those days). And then I would question her. I doubted her! WTF?!!! What the Hell was I doing?!! She was a Rose. A Butterfly! The Sunrise!

It was 1975. My father suffered a second stroke which killed him and the man I began to know as just more than my father. I was devastated inside! She was there with me to console me. She had stayed the night at our house. What I descibe next, dear Readers, is the absolute truth. You have the right to decide what to believe, or how to explain it. I will descibe the morning after the Day of my Father's death.

I will digress this story for a moment only to relate something that both she and I could never deem possible and could never explain. Prior to my father's death he and I had bonded as Son and Father. A bond we celebrated after years of the "son who never listens" and the father "who never understands". As I had put forth in an earlier blog his first stroke had taken him down hard! I worked at his side every day to get him back to where he wanted to be, "back at work" (a true German). The day he died he refused to let me drive him to work. Instead he had told me he loved me and said "goodbye". My mother took him to work that day which I had done every day. This time it was goodbye forever. He died at work, his way to die an honorable death.

My girlfriend had spent the night at our home. It was a beautiful house, tri-level, a large glass fireplace, vaulted ceilings and in the basement level, my father's pride and joy, his bar. We had a woods surrounding our small estate. I loved it! We had a dog part German Shepherd, part Malmute. She was my father's favorite. She never barked. Must've been the Malmute side. Until.

It was early morning the first week of October. I was sleeping in our family room and my girlfriend in my bedroom. I was awakened by several things that happened simultaneously. Before I had even opened my eyes I noticed first a chill. I thought nothing but the beginning of the fall season. The second thing I noticed was the sound of some animal. It was eerie! I couldn't make it out, except, it sounded like...like a dog trying to howl the first time in it's life! I opened my eyes when I realised it was our dog! The final thing that I noticed was my girlfriend standing in the opening to the family room staring wide eyed at me with fear! She said, "I just saw your father! He was standing in your closet looking at me!" EVEN TODAY!!! EVEN TODAY!!, dear Readers, that episode of my life makes me tingle! It's all true. The dog trying to howl at the same time of my father's appearance, the room freezing at that moment then returning to normal shortly thereafter....Mind you, I am by far not a Religious man. After that episode however, I am a Spiritual man! I can only explain it as so; My father had loved me so much he wanted to come back and either say, everything would be okay, or he came back one more time to see me and say goodbye. I hope he wasn't too disappointed to see my girlfriend. ....she did like sleeping nekked. ......just had to put that in there for the "pervs".

Okay, time to wrap this saga up. Some time after that shit had begun to run downhill. I was trying to help my mother and keep up the grounds, go to school (I chose to stay at the nearby community college which also kept me nearer to my girlfriend) and work part time. It was also the demise of my mother. She had taken on a boyfriend. He wanted me out and he wanted our mother's real estate and money. He was very good. I was thrown out of the house. With nowhere to go my girlfriend had acquired an apartment in Niles and taken me in. WOW!! This was great!

Going to school, coming home and cooking for my girl,... Soon after it was, going to school, hanging out with my friends at the bar, going home drunk to my girl..... you get the picture. Our lives were rapidly deteriorating, thanks to me.

I believe in two things this world can offer; 1. Things happen for a reason and 2. Nothing lasts forever!!!!!! I became an Ass. I was ignoring my girlfriend, placing more emphasis on my life (which was slithering down the toilet) and spending my time and money with friends from school rather than where it should have been. Focusing on the person who had given my life meaning and a sense of worth!

My father died leaving us with some bit of an inheritance. I quickly began to drain mine. It was 1976, Bi-Centennial of the US!! I had decided to travel a month in Europe. Things were so-so in our relationship and thought a bit of distance would do us both good (wrong!). I purchased a passport, railpass and student Hostel card. I had $1000 cash and travellers cheques (good sum of money in those days). I bought a Fodors Guide to Europe. I was ready!

My girlfriend and a small entourage of our friends had taken me to O'Hare for my flight. First time I'd ever flown. And!! I had reserved my ticket through Icelandic Airlines. The horror stories I had heard after my purchase, planes crashing, snow coming through the windows,...!!!

I kissed my girlfriend and began to feel this trip really wasn't what I needed, but I didn't know what to do. I boarded the plane. As we taxi'd out to the tarmac the pilot told us we would be delayed due to a storm coming across Lk Michigan. #1. I've never flown, I'm becoming concerned. #2. There's a freakin' storm outside with lightning and I'm sitting in the middle of it in a metal bomb with wings!!! After what seemed an hour the pilot told us there was a "window of opportunity". ?!! Window?! The plane lurched forward. I was thrust back into my seat! I've never been on a rollercoaster, but I'm sure our ride up was everything as!! We travelled up into dark clouds lightning crackling about us! What the F... was I thinking! I'm too young to die!!! I miss my girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then, it was over. We were above everything. It was eerily calm. Is this right?! The Stewardesses came out with complimentary drinks, Cognac. I gulped mine down. The gentleman next to me asked, "first time?" Yep. "Here, you can have mine. Looks like you need it more than me." Thanks! I saw the world 7 miles below. It was nightfall as we flew over Quebec. The lights below became more sparce as we entered Labrador, then nothing. The Atlantic! We were crossing the Ocean! It was below us and I couldn't see it! And then the most beautiful sight I'd seen appeared in the horizon. The Northern Lights! So clear and seemed so close, it almost appeared as they fell into the North Pole. Greenland was below us when I could make out land. Rocky, high and black cliffs surrounded the island while miles and miles of glacier and snow covered the enterior. Iceland was our layover. Beautiful, rugged and clean! Our trip into Europe took us to our destination of Luxembourg. After bouncing several times on landing we skidded to a stop that would impress most Nascar drivers. The pilot unapologetically said, "Thank you for flying Icelandic Airlines."

Facing fears are what we do as a species. Facing those fears and conquering them are ours to deal with solely as an individual in most cases. I faced mine then and lost. It was tragic and profound at the time. And to this day there is no closure. I will divulge to my Readers something that has been kept a secret in my life for the past 35 years (no, I am not gay!!!). This is as I said my Epitaph. And one's epitaph should express the individual as close as possible with all truths before oneself. The truth can be told easily if told immediately. If held back it can become a burden that must be avoided at all times. How tiring!

I began to look for shelter. Met an American from Boston who told me to follow him to the Univ. in Lux. Beds and cots could be had for $5. A deal. Until! I was next in line and they were full. I travelled into town found a beautiful room with large glass doors that opened to the city two floors below me. I was tired. Tried to take a leak in the Bidet', WRONG!!! and went to sleep awaking to the sounds of the city outside and the gnawing pangs of homesickness and missing my girl. I walked through town and decided upon where I wanted to go. I had a month! Greece? Italy? Spain? They were where I decided. I walked to the train station and looked for a train to the South. As I was wandering a group of American Students had caught my attention. I asked them for some assistance and before long I was heading North to Amsterdam with my new found friends. WRONG!! In Brussels we had to change trains. While waiting I decided to look around the city. It was beautiful. Very old. Very rich in Architecture. I walked back to the station only to discover the train had come and gone as well as the Yanks. No big deal. I'll take another. I boarded a train which must have been a less direct route. We were stopping at almost every village on our journey. And then, it started. We had stopped in a small village and picked up some passengers. An old woman accompanied by a young woman sat across from me. They were speaking and looking at me the same time. I was a bit uncomfortable and embarassed, because the young woman was smiling at me as she was talking. She was beautiful. No makeup, dark brown hair, fair skin and lips shaped like a cupid's bow. Cupid's Bow??!! No, that's how my sweetheart described mine!! This is wrong! I began to miss her more.

Our train made a stop at the border. It was here that my fears began to take precedent. I was sitting in my seat while the two women had left. Two French Canadians had replaced them. I had a brief conversation with the fellows before one of them had said something in French and pointed outside for his friend to see. A soldier was trying to say goodbye to his girlfriend (wife) and she was reluctant. The two French Cana's were beginning to....sniffle?!! No Way!! The train had begun to leave. The soldier was trying to board. The young woman was chasing the train. The French Cana's were.... NO!!... CRYING!!!! NO WAY!!! STOP!!!! STOP CRYING!!! OH GOD, NOT ME!!! I MISS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We arrived in Amsterdam. As soon as I left the station I was assaulted by a very young black boy soliciting whores on the infamous barges on Amsterdam's canals. No wonder the Yanks were headed this way. I looked for a place to stay and was told of a Youth Hostel called Fat City. Problem was it was in the Red Light district. Now some of you may say, "cool", but I was a Gringo. I was young and naive. I was over 3000 miles from home and missing my girl. I found Fat City. Bunked for $5 and had a room with three German Students travelling the city, I'm sure, for it's culture. I walked around that night wondering why I had come. Wondering who I was. Wondering what my girlfriend was doing. Was she missing me? Or did it matter all to her that I was gone?! I walked pass the windows harbouring the prostitutes. I wanted to go home.

The next morning I decided to cut my stay to two weeks. It was all I could bear (idiot, yes, you're absolutely right). I found a travel agency and discovered much to my horror my ticket was good only for the times it said. One Month! I was in shock. I was no longer satisfied with not being in control of the situation. I said, "When's the next flight back?" I was no longer in control, my fears had taken over.

Three days and two nights, my dear Readers. You are the first of the miniscule few who did know of my shame. And I came back to no happy home greeting, I was humiliated and didn't want to be seen. After some time I contrived a bulls... reason for my quick return. As for my girlfriend, she had left the following week for a trip to Palm Springs with her grandmother. After her return the hole I had dug began to deepen. I was back in school taking an evening pottery course. I had become friends with an attractive blonde woman. She wasn't as beautiful as my girlfriend, but I no longer deserved her. Eventually, in my self pity I began sleeping with "the other woman". It was unbearable. The shame, guilt, remorse. I drove the nails in my heart deeper. The end came shortly thereafter. My girlfriend had caught me. I wanted to be forgiven, but she had given me one more nail. She admitted to seeing someone else also. I was in shock. This was about me!! How can she do this to me?! Then she gave me a choice. I quit seeing this other woman and she'll quit seeing the other guy. "Okay", I said. She had told me to call her and tell her,..while she was standing there. Oh God! I called. The other woman said, "Okay, goodbye." I felt cold and dead. I felt I had hurt someone, besides my girlfriend. I handed her the phone. She told me to leave and return later. She needed to talk privately. I wanted to protest, but there was no reason. It was as it was supposed to be, an earned and brutal lesson.

I think back time to time of those earlier years of my life. Wonderful, bittersweet, young and impassioned! Free spirited! I think of her once in a great while. She is doing well and like myself, a grandparent. I think of my situation in life that I must face right now. My how some things never change. I will though. And I Am. From now on it's Me. My heart has grown old from love. It's the last thing on my mind right now. Time to share my love with my children and grandkids.

And for the moment what is on my mind?! Well, I'd really like to go to Europe!!

Good Night, My Dear Readers. I had to be honest. For my sake.

These are damned hard times! And...quite frankly "I'm tired." Maybe I'll wake up and look around my room and say, "WTF?!!!" Maybe I'll not wake up. Maybe I'm already dead and this is Hell. Maybe I'll wake up and there'll be small lizards running about in my thatched hut with the waves slightly pulling the pink sands of my front yard into the massive pool of turquoise salted water and the minute crystal grains settling farther and farther from shore. Maybe, just maybe I'll wake up and be happy. I mean REAL happy. I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm letting the world settle on my shoulders when it is not about the world, but about Me. I'm the only stinking Dolt who can make Me happy. Truth is I think I've found it now and again, but I see it not happening too soon.

I've been following a friend's blog for quite some time. My life could be worse as I read about his "day to day" attempts at "landing that job"! Futile I fear. Futile as me sleeping on a fu..... sofa every night until "closure".

I've tried to tell everyone, "Shit's gonna get worse! Even worse than we ever thought possible." The fan has big blades and one can sling poo at it all day and they're still gonna turn! I dunno....

Inner Peace. That's what I want for Christmas. "HEY!!!" "This is a funny thought. You think with the economy taking a crap that Christmas might, just might be Christmas once again?!!" "The throngs crashing into one another in the Malls buying, consuming, spending, over spending driving themselves deeper and deeper into the maws of Credit,..what do you think?! Think it'll be spent like I SPENT IT as a child, totally immersed into the tree adorned with lights so colourful and bright, the smells eminating from the freshcut pine, cookies, HOMEMADE cookies, the brightness of the snow at night illuminated from a crisp, starlit night?! And most of all the presents! Those gifts that Santa had brought during the night as I slept with dreams of wonderful things, of happiness. The only happiness that a child can dream of, Love. Love from their family. That warmth generated from knowing that TOMORROW, tomorrow I will see what Santa brought me and mom and dad will sit there with their eyes gleaming with the love of seeing the amazement and joy upon their children's faces. And we were happy! Happy with the one toy we had asked Santa for and happy for the other (and some years), or even a THIRD toy!! How remarkable! How Christmas! We were grateful. No crying 'cause I didn't get more than 6, or 8, or more gifts from the Santa Mall. But, Hey! Not enough?!! Well by Golly let's SHOPPING AGAIN THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS FOR THOSE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS SALES!!!!!!

"C'mon. PEOPLE!!! When is enough CRAP enough?!!" .....CHARGE IT!

Hell, yeah. Can't see out the back window of the car, but I got's me some sales!! "OH!! Let's stop and get something to eat at APPLEBEE's!" ....CHARGE IT!

Sorry, I'm not doing it anymore. What can I possibly give at Christmas that people haven't been buying year round at the Santa Mall?!! And this Christmas?!! For ME?!! Well, I ain't sleepin' on the sofa!!! Besides, It'll be best if I'm not around. Too bad, but, hey, I'm going to spend it drinking Champange Christmas Eve on a beach, or if that fails, in a Hotel Room in some town. Chicago, if my son goes with me, but I'd probably like to find a little town along the Lake Coast and get a B&B for the night.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me. What bothers me is there is sooo much unhappines happening right now it's hard to concentrate. And for those 35,000 slated to be "axed" over the next 3 years from Bank of America, "Don't... ...CHARGE IT!"

I would REALLY like to spend Christmas with no cell phones, no Vick'y Secret striped bags lying about, no GIFT CARDS, no $200 video games, no looks of disappointment and no fear of running deeper into the maws of the Credit Companies.

Our world as we know has changed, "Thank you very much." As I knew it was just a matter of time.

So, how do I end this blog with a happy note?!

My friends and my family, know this; You can be happy. you can make it if you really want to. The problem is, it's going to be a different world coming our way. If we can adjust, we'll be fine! What we do have that can only be shared is Love for one another. The other stuff,..enh, it's BS! Take a walk downtown on Christmas day. Go sledding, ice skating, or give a gift to a stranger in need.

Quick note then I'm fried,..speaking of strangers. There is this man walking around town with a dog and a small portable 2 wheeled cart to carry the bottles he's retrieving from the local containers (no, not Can Man). This fellow has a dog. I see them throughout Niles walking together. Rather kind of sad looking duo. But, the man has a friend, the dog. One day I noticed the dog limping and the fellow walking slowly so his friend would travel easier. It bothered me. I thought if that dog were to become worse, what could the fellow do? However, I do notice the dog is better. However!! One of the two wheels on the cart were missing. The man still pulled it. I dunno?! Is it me? I know what I'm giving someone for Christmas. I hope they won't be offended, but stuff like that just hits!!! When I think life sux, all I gotta do is open my eyes!!!

So, I leave you with a request. There are two songs I'd really like my Dear Readers to listen to this Holiday Season. Both by John Lennon; Imagine and So this is Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

I'm goin' LIVE!!

Well, I finally took the plunge, "no, not that one and never again, I say." I finally registered the World's Most Unfamous Artist online; http://www.worldsmostunfamousartist.com/

It's still crude. It's name is long, but I thought about it for a couple weeks and decided, "Hey! That's who I am!" So now it is time to work. I need to re-route my agenda, my focus. It is the beginning of where I wanted to be over 30 years ago, but sometimes Art has a way of deciding it's own course and taking the Artist along for a "bumpy" ride.

So, dear Readers, you are now an acquaintance of quite possibly the most Unfamous Artist the World has ever known...mmm,.. I think I need to lay down! feelin' woozy! oh my gawd, this stardom, I can't handle it!!!

Sweet William

I have yet to define the reasons and, or events in my life that culminated in the future grooming of my "civilised" character makeup. Things happen for a reason?! Shit happens?! KAKA occurs?!!! Idunno. However, what did happen to me and the people in my life that were involved are very much the reason who I am today. "No. I don't hold you accountable".

And, for what seems like an infinitesmal portion of my growing years there was the influence of "W". Do not take it out of context. We all have an opportunity to evolve as humankind on the chain of morality vs. mortality.

"W" was the Phineas in my life, unbeknownst to me. He was the mentor of my cadence?! My, shall we say, sophisticated upbringing from the previous life I had known. No,..no "swapping of spit, here, you pervs"!

He was the artistic influence I needed unknowingly, and the spiritual guidance I never knew.

I'd met "W" in our early years in HS. He was by far, the most "different" of my friends, yet very unopposing and most important to me, non-"jockular". At that time in my life I was very keen to the "jocks" playing pranks upon me and torturing me with their "bullish" testosterone laden libidoes (weighing 95lbs in HS was not the greatest thing to happen to a little Dude!).

There was "W", however. And he as well as myself were all knit into that group I would nowadays describe as, "misfits".

"W" had charisma; had a zeal for life that one could digest into parts of a Shakespearean play, the characters being ourselves, of course.

How does one describe such a character?! He is and remains perplexing, an enigma. His virtues in this life remain true to his being. If ever there were trust to be held utmost, I would turn to "W".

I wanted to write something. I am at a loss. I'd like to say more, but can not. Not that I can't, but not that I wish not to. I'll say this, if ever I were to want to understand religion and righteousness, I would turn to "W". I have yet to meet anyone so humbled by life and humble in character. He is a man of true "conviction" by his faith. I am awed by how much.

He is a friend from my past that I cannot make light of when the light eminated from his character could have led throngs.

I once would have, but now would, equate him with Jesus by his mortality and morality. Forgive me if I have stepped upon toes for that one.

I speak only for me. That is the reason for this blog.

"W" was the other influence in my life.

Peace and Love, my Friend.

Turkey Run Final

(Horse Race trumpets sounding.."Ta ta da da da da da ta da da...) "BANG"! "And they're off"!!
Well, dear Readers, here's what happened.
I was psych'd and ready. Confidence was high. Heck, I've been running between 8 and 10 a day and 12 on Saturdays. So. 6.2 mi is a "walk in the park, eh"?! The throngs were impressive. Actually, the 10k in Niles is touted to be one of the tougher courses in the midwest, because of the many hills in the course. Some the gathering are people from all over the country and I even spoke with a couple from Germany who'd (not just for the race) come to try it.
The moment had come and we started moving outside to the Starting line. It was a beautiful morning and I decided to wear half the weather gear I'd been wearing since the Cold came to town (another bonus). The race is comprised of 3 parts; Walk, 5k and 10k, even a Fun Run for the Kiddies.
The moment arrived and the gun sounded. I was thinking, "OK, the 10k is next. this is the 5k, right?" I asked a gent standing next to me if it was the 5k runners to which he said yes. However, something didn't look right. The runners leaving looked different then the next in line. I asked another couple if it was the 5k group. They said, "No, we're 5k". ...?!...?.."HOLY SH..!!!" Five minutes passed to let the 10k runners start. I was LAST IN LINE from the Start!! "RUN FORREST, RUN!!" And I did! I ran harder than I ever have. I was passing people in the rear gaining on the front. Then I thought, "Slow down, the hills will kill you running like this". I slowed down and found my everyday running pace. I decided to increase it a bit after a mile had passed. In my mind I envisioned every stretch of the course. I knew the course. I have run the hills almost every week in my training. I WAS READY.
My pace impressed me. Must've been the adrenilin and the thought of "for the 1st time in my life I WANT TO WIN". The race was for me. The last few months of my life were behind me. The petty BS, everything toxic was not in my head. BALLS! I HAVE BALLS! (course, you don't want to fall asleep on a sofa in a robe if you own a cat I hear in your latter years)...
I was still passing runners. I figured my pace at 8mi, or less. I knew I would kill my time from years before. And then, the Ultimate No No. I was running and following the line in the road looking down so as not to disturb my trance. In the corner of my eye I noticed a runner coming up "fast". "Wha's this"?!! "OH,..MY...GAWD! SHE...IS...SOOOOO...HOT"!! "Oh no. RUN FORREST"!! I was not going to do that! "It broke my trance!" So, a 1/4 mi later I am almost winded, thinking to myself, "what were you thin....?!" I dropped my pace fast. Half to what it was. That nearly killed my run. It was the runner's no no. "Won't do that again". "Well,..mmm, who knows, she was H O T".
The hills passed. The hill I knew I would have the most issue with was before me. (The hills in Niles are not by far the biggest, but we do have the highest elevations in Berrien County. They are long and gradual making it more challenging for runners). The one before me was the longest and had turns making it very difficult. I paced myself once again looking down to gain my trance. I was 3/4 of the way to the end of the hill when I heard someone coming up behind me. "Not again". I pushed, knowing my limits on the hill. "Dammit, I am not an old man and I am going to win"!! I pushed until I thought my Heart Specialist would say, "I told you so". "Screw it, Doc! This is something greater than another $1,500 Echocardiogram!!"
I started passing others, then more! "YEAH, BABEE!!!!"
Rounding the top of the hill brings you to another. This one is the same, yet no turns and, it's the same distance downhill as up which gives many runners an opportunity to gain their distance on the "leading pack". I made it mine.
Through it all I knew I was running the best I have in all the 40 years I've been running. I knew I had won, at least my division. In the end however, my stupidity said otherwise. I didn't place 1st, or even 3rd. I was bummed. But, I knew had I started at the time I was supposed to and toward the front of the pack, I would've nailed it by knocking 5 minutes off my time. 5 minutes! As it was, my pace was 7mph, impressive for me. Enough to walk away proud of what I had set out to do. Impressive enough to know that I can still accomplish my goals. I need that. Today, I am going to go out and run 13.
I can do that you know, because I am the, "WORLD'S MOST UNFAMOUS ARTIST"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace.

"Where'd you get thoes Shoooz?!"

It's Race Day. dear Readers. Am I excited?! I dunno, it's 5:30 am and I can't sleep.

The photo is for my dear friend, TS in Indy. "How'ya like me now, huh?!?" Send some pics with yours, Dude!!! Really though, they're cool! I've wanted a pair of Flame Shoes for quite some time, but never motivated. Hey, nipple piercing, heart muu-muu,..Flame Shoes. right?!!

Anyway, I digress. Today is important for me; it'll be the first time I will truly compete for time. Trouble is, now that I'm 55 I'm "bumped up" to the next age group which sux, 'cause I am now "officially younger" than the others in my category of 55 - 59 yrs. "Bastards"!!

Whatever. Looking forward to what I accomplish. Only fear I have is when I'm sprinting a long distance my "gag reflex" kicks in?! Ok, pervs, stop right there....

Other than that, my daily 5-10 mi I HOPE, will carry me on this one. In the past I've enjoyed just running and finding the ladies with the nice derriers to follow. Sorry, what can I say?! ..m o t i v a t i o n.....

I think it'd be kickass to wear my shoes with the flames, but, they ARE TRULY a fashion statement only. They are hard to wear and almost impossible to climb stairs with the "Herman Munster" soles. Gotta love it!!! "Viv la'diffrenz"! (my French sux).

Looking forward to this afternoon's T'Dinner, too! I'll be spending it with Friends this year. Family situation dictates "awkwardness". But, that too shall pass and maybe in the future I can visit my children and let my grandkids sit on my lap while I relate the story of the, "World's Most UnFamous Artist" to them! "heh hehe"!

I am carrying two labels on my shirt while I run this morning (which by the way starts at 9am). One will be for my friend and neighbor, Jane who is fighting cancer right now. My thoughts and hopes are with her. She's a lovely lady! The other is something that has TRULY boggled my mind for years, GENOCIDE! Stop fu...ng GENOCIDE!!! It just PISSES ME OFF that in this "dayandage" Humankind, for the most part, turns their back on it! "WHY?!!" Why are families, mothers, children and husbands brutalized?!! It MUST stop!!! I have come upon a group (in Niles, no doubt) that works toward trying to maintain Peace and help families throughout the world to deal with the tragedies of such atrocities. I feel a need to help. Who knows?! I promise to help when my Art will allow me so. In the meatime I will try my best to help.

Like I mentioned before, my friends, listen to John Lennon's song, IMAGINE. He wrote the TRUTH. And as we all know, "The truth is...." well, you know.

I leave with one thing I need to say.

Seth, you've given your father the "much needed son to father" talk and your words helped. I am here for You now. The arms and love are here when you need them, Son. Your father will always have faith in you. Remember when I said the Chinese point of view for Chaos? "Crisis = Opportunity". It's helped me.

I love you.

Peace, Everyone! Happy Thanksgiving!

hmm...Karma?!

Y'now, there are those times in my life, as well as other's, I'm sure, that "things" happen for a reason. As I grow older (not up!) I find myself drawn ever closer to that kind of thinking. For the past several months my life has been (In my eyes) tumultuous. However, IF I were to look at it in the perspective of CHAOS (as I explained the Chinese interpretation in an earlier blog) I see it as "a Journey".

My writings have drawn very few comments. That's fine. But, for me it has been "eye-opening" which is where I wanted it to go. I'm ranting, raving, crying, moaning,.. however, if one were to look beneath it all, it's been something most of us in our lives are afraid to do; "Put our head on the chopping block". Meaning, I am vulnerable to you all.

Back to where I was going. A journey. Up's and Down's are in everyone's life. At a time when I thought my life was ready to be exploited by "Me", well, it "bombed". Self-pity took over self-reliance. But, things have happened and have been since then. It was just a matter of time for me to see it through reflection.

Life is Wonderful!!! I have beautiful children who love me.

Grandchildren, well, they still think "gran'pa" is weird and kinda keep me at arm's length,..but, they love me!! They have to, I'm the personification of "Jimmy Buffett" and someday hope to take them to one of his concerts. Providing of course, he's still playing and I'm still drinkin' Tequila!

And then, I have the love and kindness of my friends.

Thank you ALL!!

Happy Holidays!!

Peace, my Dear Readers.

There are times when I can be sooo stoopid

When I write these blogs, it's in my own self-interest. I really don't care if anybody reads them. It's just my "internal therapy" session with myself. I rant, rave, complain, bitch, moan and most of it comes across as self-pity, which it may be, or it may not.
It is the mission plan, so to speak, of my upcoming show in Downtown Niles. And yes, it will be a helluva show! 30 years in the making.
I started to tell about my life, growing up, influences in my life through the friends through years. Somehow, I side tracked and went back to my droll complaining. A.D.D.??! I hope not. I am easily distracted. Was that a bird?!
So, I have something to say. In my writings I tend to forget the human element out there. I tend to allow my thoughts to become muddled. And through my rants and raves I have hurt someone Personally. I didn't mean to, but I was checked on it! And it hurt me as well, because in reality this person really has been working with me, for me and has tried to help me establish myself within the community. And so, I say, "My apologies". The written word can be sinister when not dictated properly.
Please forgive my comment.
This town of "ours" has potential. It has opportunity. It has people diligently trying and unfortunately (myself included) those whom speak against it sometime. From hereforth, I will do my best efforts to try to help this community while I am here. I do hope that I can establish myself here. And I know where and whom to turn to when I decide.
Niles is my home. Has been for 55 years. It's still a place where one can look across the street and wave to a friend, a merchant, or people just walking down sidewalks will smile and say, hello.
You just have to say to yourself, "yes, it's possible".

Rocket Science

Do you think?! that, the world's problems could be solved by someone who really doesn't give a crap!? Its 2:30 am and I just woke up (on the sofa mind you) took a couple X's so I might be able to go back to sleep. Seriously, does anyone really give a damn about tomorrow?! Save for the lot whom are presently "down on their luck".
If you want to see the "happy people" come to Niles. They're everywhere! Diggin' thru trashcans, roamin' the streets, chain smokin' like they've never heard the words; emphysema, lung cancer,...they're the "Happy People"! They live in a foster home, get an allowance and pack they're suitcases for a day "about town".
They...scare me. Sometimes I think, (Beach Boys tune here) "Wouldn't it be nice if we...." could just get a check for pretending we were incapable of maintaining our faculties in this modern day world??
Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed there are more of those little electric wheelchair mobiles around recently?! I think I see a growing population of them. Really! They're freakin' everywhere!! My thought on this; (I can already feel the "oh God. here he goes, from Barney) they have feigned a condition which makes it impossible to work; heresuit; a check in the mail,..disability,..or, the same which was preceeded by a revocation of their driver's license and they needed, no, Craved, mobility!
Really! What fool would drive a scooter, moped, or lawnmower in the middle of winter?! One without a license!!
By the way, my last blog said I was going to run 10,..did 12. Running at the Thanksgiving Day Run for the YMCA this month. Come and cheer me on. This will be the 1st time in my life I will actually compete for time. In the past, it's always been for fun, or checkin' out the "Babes" butts while running behind them. "Hey, I'm a Senior! I can do that!" "Harmless, right?!"
Age is a state of mind. For me, it's just another wrinkle.
So, my Dear Readers I leave you with this (and by all means I am not the Dalai Lama, or any bastion of Knowledge, or a Seer) when I turned 55 and I saw my life passing at 55mph before my eyes, it was then I decided, "What the f..., what do I have to lose?! I have always wanted to aspire to becoming a well-known Artist. Past few months I've been dilly-dallying around. However! I've been prepping. It's time. Time to show the World another Artist. It wasn't until recently that a close and dear friend of mine helped me with that relization; I can do Anything and I will. Besides, next week it might 15 miles, then my 30. If I never attempted, I never lived.
If I should die on the side of a road, just say, "well, his socks were clean."
Which reminds me, Dear Readers, do not grieve my passing when that day comes. Instead, give me the Biggest, Damned, Tiki Party ever! Promise me! And drink a shitload of Tequila in my honor. The Pirate will take a portion of my ashes and blast them from his cannon from a sailboat over Lake Michigan (I'd prefer the Caribbean, but we're a struggling lot right now, who knows?! Ol' Johnny Boy just might make his mark before that time and he'll be able to.
Anyway, 'nuff talk about that. Feel the X's kickin' in.
Good night my friends.
By the way, I have a request from all my readers. When Christmas approaches I would like it if (your choice) you would listen to two songs for me. They bring out the side in me that (hard to explain) has always been with me. I might appear as a coldhearted SOB to some. To others I'm a pushover, to those who know me,..I'm a lover of life and all humankind. Those two songs were written by the greatest poet of recent times and tragically taken away from us; John Lennon. Listen to; Imagine and So this Christmas (his christmas carol). If those songs don't make a tear come to yer eye, then you must think gas is a bargain at a $1.96 a gal.
I admit it. I cry everytime I hear the songs. They're painful. Human suffering is Bullshit! There is no need for it to happen.
Oh well, like I said, X's are kickin' in and I'm wandering.
Good night, Dear Readers.
Peace and Love

To the BatCave Robin!!

Did I vote today? no. Why? Because I'm old enough to know better than to get mixed up in politics. I dunno. I'm sitting here in front of the TV watching the food network show a clip about a "Spam" contest in Austin, Tx. THAT makes sense!! I can tune in the Travel Channel and watch Andrew Zimmern slurp down Grubs and eat stuff from a goats ass. THAT makes sense! I have fervently been watching two BOZO's "bitch slap" one another and EACH has said the same thing their former running mates said four years ago,..eight years ago,..12,16,20,24,28......I not buying it.
Switching the scene here.
I read something from the internet yesterday that kind of told me that people are "really monkeys in bluejeans". Someone wrote that Nostradamus predicted this election. ....yep.
I have this theory. At one time in the far past Mars had a civilization that had flourished and then (as we face today) exhausted their planet's resources, depleted it's atmosphere and essentially, "screwed" themselves out of a home. So, they "eyeballed" our planet. It was nearby, had an atmoshere and probably, with some rearranging of either atmoshere, or alien genetics, they could repopulate. TA DA!!! Monkeys and Humankind! These Martians probably would've looked pretty hideous to us, but through genetic alterations they finally came up with a being that could inhabit this planet.
To me this explains a lot of missing links. 'Frinstance, Pyramids. They're ALL OVER the world, but none of the civilizations whom built were ever in contact with one another when they were built. Or, were they?! Let's look at the idea of Atlantis. It's belief and legend is worldwide. If we can believe in the bibilical Flood, Sodom and Gommorah, why can't we believe in other "non christian" ideas? The Pyramids are similar in design. Most used for the same Astronomical predictions and calculations. I dunno why the sacrifices came about, must of been hard living in those jungles....that're some King found out his daughter was banging the local cocoa bean picker and decided, "WE SHALL HAVE A PARTY!!!!!" "OUT WITH HIS HEART!!!" What was that guy thinkin'?!
The Nasca plains in Peru; from high in the air one can see huge animals, birds, insects and even something that looks like a landing strip! Why Not?! I ask. Why couldn't there have been a civilization from Mars that decided to populate this one. If they could travel space, they certainly could travel around our little planet.
I digress. To wrap life and civilization up in 5,000 years seems pretty ludicrous to me. To simply deny those ideas and have millions of worshippers believing some "dude" walked on water?!!! EH?!! Am I nuts?!

Ran 12 miles the other day. Not bad for an "old" dude. Poppycock", I say! Old is in the mind. How we approach our latter years is in our hands. Not some magazine, Guru, 20'sumthin bangin' Cougars,...

My friend said, "If women who chase younger men are called Cougars, why not men who chase younger women be called "Bears"? I like it! Then we thought, "Why would we want to pursue someone who gets their social studies from Cosmo Magazine and "The Rock of Love"? Not me. I need something else stimulated, also. My MIND. What's left of it.

Well, I tried to scramble everything in tonight's blog and believe I have done such. I have decided that my Art Show for next year will entail two days. In college I enjoyed "messin' with people's minds". Kinda like performance art. I have decided to "Rock this Town" before I leave it! Am I going to leave it?! Who knows. Right now I do know that Niles really is "Bedrock", as one of my dear friends says. And, the number of Cougars around here is beginning to increase. "Where the hell is Animal Control when you need them?!"

10 mile Homeboy

Going to run 10, maybe 12 mi today. it's going to be a beautiful day and I want to get all the running in before winter hits. I sometimes run in the snow. Tough, but sometimes beautiful. I remember an evening I was running and came through the back portion of our golf course, here in Niles. The snow was deep, but soft which made the run arduous, yet easy enough. The thing that makes it memorable was while running, the snow concealed the sounds of my run. The snowfall (which was heavy) restricted my view somewhat. It also did the same to the herd of deer on the golf course which I found myself in the middle of. THAT WAS AN EXPERIENCE TO REMEMBER!! Not only myself, but the deer had the same expression. Wha?!!! The cold didn't give me goosebumps, just the Dudes with the racks. I think everybody kind of agreed that, "Okay, the little man couldn't see where he was going, just let him be on his way and everything will be cool!"

Thanks, deer Dudes!!! It was Awesome. I really hope it was sweat running down my running pants. ...never checked.

The above drawing is for my daughter, Audrey. She'd brought it up in conversation last week when we'd met for a drink to have a "Father, Daughter" time together. I love my kids! They're so cool! And each an Artist, themselves.

The drawing is just another way of looking at a bad situation. Mind you, I enjoy running when the cool weather comes. Roadkill in Summer?!! Dear GOD!! The smell!

I'm tired, now. 6;30. Think I'll turn on CNN and watch the latest update on the "horseandpony" show.

I'm going to write in PEE WEE HERMAN! He's the man!!!

God! I'm good!

It' 5:30 and I'm awake and pouring through the piles of drawings and cartoons I've done through the years. Good therapy. I'm fu..... good! I'm tired of sitting on my ass and not doing sumthin with this stuff. It sux being an Artist. "Damned mood swings anyway!"

It's time, Dear Readers. Time for this one to blossom (not bloom, you pervs)!

It's time to introduce you to the Artist. The side that at one time used to get my buddy, "B-Guy" (whom, by the way, has the most incredible wit and sarcastic art I've seen) sent at LEAST once a month into the VP's office to either apologise, or be on probation for 90 days for artwork that shouldn't have been found on company premises. (man, that was one helluva sentence!)

OH! OH! Gotta tell ya! Quick note about "B-Guy"!! This man used to make the Art Dep't cry from laughter! Other times, red-faced. So, it was a summer day in the Art Dep't at North American Signs. We actually had an Art Dep't before they put us in cubes. Anyway, "B-Guy and Jim, the Art Director, had their drawing tables by the windows. Great view. Especially of the vista across the lawn of the McCormick factory. Windows were open to let fresh air and sunshine in. Just so happened there was a fellow entering the factory. He had to be at least 100-150 ft away. We're all drawing and toiling the time when all of a sudden "B-Guy" yells, "fu.. you" out the window. (how do you spell terrets? turetts?..doh! I dunno!)

Both Jim and myself were kind of mildly alarmed. Wasn't the first time he'd done something like that, or even bothered to question. It was just "B-Guy". The thing that made it more than a simple case of, "well, working on drawings all day can be boring", was when he'd yelled the expletive, the VP was entering the Art Dep't. I don't think there was enough room under my drawing table to hide and I remember both the shock on Jim's face and the "Oh, I am sooo screwed", look on ""B-Guy's" face. It was a three page, handwritten apology after that. I think it and some of our other antics was the implementation of the "fall of the Art Dep't". Those were the BEST times of any job I'd ever had! I miss them. We were by far, three of the most creative and most times, bored Artists any Art Dep't could have ever found.

This really wasn't supposed to be about "B-Guy", or the one time Art Dep't. Guess it ended up that way. It was an influence on my life. It was my intro into the Professional and Corporate world. It was a great time and a sad time. Sad, to see our Art Dep't shredded into little Cubes. Sad to see our Art Director shoved into a room all by himself and stripped of his title (he died shortly thereafter from cancer). Sad to see "B-Guy" placed in the basement away from what he enjoyed most; a window with light! Normal people can't really comprehend what that means to an Artist. I think.

Okay, so now I'm "knee deep" in this blog, so here's a quick one about Jim. He was the Art Director and the mentor for myself and "B-Guy". The man's talent was his "photographic memory". It was incredible the drawings he could render from everything he saw and lived. He would do drawings of his time he'd spent in Korea and Japan. To the detail of what some of the soldiers looked like to the detail of the machines and planes of that era. His other talent, which nurtured mine and "B-Guy's" was his ability for caricatures. We had a pile, 1,000's of drawings of almost every employee at the time. Some which would, of course, fall into wrong hands, mysteriously, (had to be an Expeditor). And once again, myself, or "B-Guy" would be reprimanded by the VP.

When Jim was hospitalized for his cancer he called for "B-Guy" and I to come visit. It was Jim's time to say goodbye to us. God, that was hard to take. For both of us. Jim was a man of true character. Good husband, father and a good Catholic! Of which he asked both "B-Guy" and me to destroy the cartoons of the employees we had created. That was tough! But, it was Jim's way of making sure his amends with his God would give hime the road to Heaven without that on his mind.

He was a good man. So, I guess this blog is dedicated to the two individuals that helped influence my life, helped nurture the cartoonist. We had fun!

spot on the collar

I love that commercial. The one where the fellow is in an interview and the other man is listening to the SPOT on his shirt. Ain't it the truth?!
I sometimes wonder if the the theory is true that an oncoming train traveling over 60mph can create enough force in front of it that one is completely knocked unconcious before the impact. Whatabout jumping off a bridge?!!
Several years ago I had the unfortunate opportunity to view a newsreel of an attack against some villagers in one of those "poor little nations in Africa". The issue was Genocide. Now, can anyone out there describe to me his, or her thoughts on Genocide?!
As I watched this clip from the camera of of an English reporter I watched with amazed horror an attack on a woman on a street in public. She was brutalized and died slowly from a machette.
While I was in Nicaragua last year I was constantly reminded that that was the major killing device during their Rebel years. They wore them proudly as tools of course. The war was over. However, a machette is the viagra of the Nica people and they come in all sizes and shapes.
I had the honour of meeting a Nica warrior from the Revolution, Don Eloy. He was a little man, 75 yrs young with a 25 yr old mistress. Legend had it he killed over 45 men during those years. He brandished a machette that was nearly 3ft in length. And! I never wanted to piss him off. I could feel the legend was true.
Amazing.
Just thought I'd write something this morning. Trying to knock off some of the "blues" I'm feeling.

Insanity seems to be two steps behind me.
At the end of each day I look back to see where my footprints are.
John L

Cheech & Chong

I'm going to skip two people for this next blog, because I received a call from my friend (whom this blog is about) several days ago and was reminded of the impact and influence he had on my life as well.

I knew "KJ" prior to really meeting him. It was HSchool and we were a year apart. Somewhere ( I don't remember) we connected. To describe his character is something like, uh,..scrambled eggs with a side order of hash browns; It looks funky, but tastes damned good with a Hangover!

I am going to begin with this,; "If anyone reading this blog is not over the age of 21 don't read it. If you are too Pious in your life that your undergarments ride up your asscrack don't read this blog. If you are judgemental to the extreme that you think God is an excuse for mankind's woes and ills, don't read it. However! If you are open minded, forgiving, caring, understanding, free spirited and enjoy a good laugh,..com'n in!"

I really began to befriend KJ when we worked a summer at Simplicity Pattern, here in Niles. It was a factory. Probably one of the better factories a "college bound kid" could start from. I found him to be quite imposing at first; very opinionated, but with a degree of selflearned intelligence. He was in appearance, a "country-bumpkin", lanky, walked with that kinda half-shuffle, half "Im coming" attitude. Never in a hurry, never one to judge. I guess I liked him, because of his insight, his passion for what is right vs wrong, but most of all, his "free-spirit".

As I may have said in a past blog my parents were conservative, never allowed me to wear jeans until the day I graduated from HSchool upon which I bought a pair of Levi-buttonfly, hip huggin', bell-bottomed jeans and wore them to my graduation. Mind you, they were neatly pressed by my mother who was against the idea, but respected her son managed to graduate.

So, when I met KJ my style began to change with my philosphy on life. I owned slax and dress shirts (GONE!), my jean collection began to grow w/ the addition of "patches". Anybody remember patches on their jeans?

I began to evolve into my "Hippie" Era. Very much so. VietNam had ended and a new war was brewing inside our own country, a civil-war amongst the Races and the Hippies were at the forefront of Social Change.

It was a magical and frightening time. There were so many groups dedicated to this war that it would make one's head spin, especially our parents whom had just settled into their laid-back lifestyles from postwars (WW2, Korea, Nam). There were groups dedicated to change and peace. Black Panthers, Yippies, Hari-Krishnas (white people of all things, wealthy kids with nothing to do, turned beggars), the SDS (Students for a Democratic Society) they were as radical if not more than the Black Panthers (met a few of them, scared the b'jeezuz oughta me)! Jesus Freaks. Then there were the Hippies. My cup o' tea! We were for peace and love and music and,...Pot. Oh, boy! I never inhaled!!!

KJ was a Hippie and I joined the Cause. I really believed in the doctrine that all Men and Women should be treated as equals. Color was not in the formula! To this day my favorite song was written by the true Guru of Peace, John Lennon, "Imagine". If you haven't, listen to it. Honestly, dear Readers, I can cry when I listen to it. It's the deeper side of John Lidecker (Buffett is the brighter side). KJ and I went to rallies, concerts, meetings and tried our damnest to do whatever we could to help.

***I need to put this in even though KJ was not there; when VietNam fell there was the "Airlift". A mass exodus of Vietnamese were allowed to leave their homes and come to America and any other country that would take them in. They left in fear that their government would bring reciprocities against them for helping the Americans. In reality (why I rallied against the war, the Vietnamese people just wanted their OWN country back! They were tired of foreigners taking their country away from them and treating their people like crap! Read the true history. It became our war when the Frenchies got their asses massacred at Dien Bien Phu). I got to see a part of that history when my friend called me to take me to Chicago's OHare to see the planes coming in from the airlift. I was in awe. I saw people getting off the plane with expressions of emotion so varied it was unbeleivable. I saw families who had endured years of pain, death and fear whom left homes, jobs and families. They were penniless, scared, scarred and some couldn't speak english. But, they were safe and ready to start anew. One of the girls in our group began to cry, "fu..... great!" We all did! It was too moving for words and we said nothing to one another the entire trip back to Niles....sorry, I digressed. my bad!

Anyway, I left for IUSB to study Art. Started great! Tough, long hours, but the professors were intense! After a year I couldn't afford it anymore and needed options I could afford(as I said before, my father was not contributing for the education of "faggotry"). So, my second option was SMC, Southwestern Michigan College. It was perfect, really. The teachers were into what they were teaching, some of them inconspicuous hipppies themselves. The Art department was open for me! I was actually helping teach some of the students and working one-on-one with the teachers (they were learning from me and I from them). KJ was taking classes also at SMC. As the group the Eagles opens one of their songs with, "and here's where it all began...."

KJ and I were quite into our classes. The Hippie thing began to wear off. classes were long and we decided to share rides to the campus each day. But then, me, a kid growing up with so many restrictions brought on by an overdomineering mother, was easily influenced by the "counter-culture". Drugs, sex and RocknRoll. KJ and I were eager to join. Country Boys, you can't take their lassos off!

As I said before, if you are easily offended turn off the TV NOW!

KJ and I shared classes as I said before, so it only made sense for us to share rides. We worked our schedules out to where they were favorable to us. Influences began to creep in. The easiest was A L C O H O L. Even today, it's Michigan's largest industry. KJ and I began to use our lunch breaks with a burger and a beer at one of the local pubs in Dowagiac. After claasses we'd join the Art Dep't at another pub and drink into the wee hours. When yer in yer early 20's, yer Immortal.

Now, I will admit, "how childish, immature, irresponsible, etc." I could go on. But, I'm going to focus on the funny parts and overlook the missed opportunities had I really applied myself. Unfortunately for me, STOOPID is part of my chemistry. Would I change that part of my life if I had the chance?! yes. But, some things happen from irresponsiblity that make some people rich. Not me.

It was a winter morning and my turn to drive. Between KJ and myself we had 6-7 vehicles that if one wouldn't start, we'd take our plates and put on the other (back then we could get a "Beater" for less than a hundred bucks). I had a '66 VW that took an hour to heat up, thank God gas was 25cents a gal!! He called me at 6 am (our Psych class was at 8) said his father was called to work early and said he'd made breakfast. I drove over expecting eggs and coffee. Instead, he'd robbed the liquor cabinet and breakfast were two 16oz cocktails w/out the gravy! At 6:30 we were drinking breakfast. The snows outside were hard. Blizzard quality. But, country boys, DRUNK country boys were used to it. Off in my VW we went with said breafast in a thermos to keep it cold. We rounded a turn in the road, snow coming down so hard my windshield wipers were caked with it! As I entered the the second curve the VW kept going straight. In unison we both shouted, "OHSHIT!!" I floored the VW, snow was flying over the hood and visibility was, well, white. We were the first snowmobile out that morning with 4 tires and two drunk Hippies ready to piss our patched jeans (mine meticulously pressed by my mother the night before), and yes, we both lived with our parents at that time. The VW skated over the snow and back onto the road. I stopped the car and we both looked at each other in amazement...and had a stiff drink from the thermos. We got out of the car and looked at the path behind us. We'd traversed a two foot gauntlet of snow narrowly hitting a tree and some kinda farm implement and began laughing from the crazy experience. After cleaning the snow off the windshield and another swig from the thermos we continued our journey to Psych Class.

There has to be nothing more challenging in life than "reputation". Be it good, or bad, notoriety follows and sometimes a label. Fortunately, for KJ and I we wore it both ways. We were to our teachers an anomaly (we'd do the work, pass the tests, impress them with our views of society and social mores), to the students we were "Cheech & Chong" (I'll get back to that, but first). We entered our 8am Psych class at 8:40. Cold, wet from melting snow and...sorry to say, drunk. With the glare from the Professor we scurried clumsily to the back of the class. KJ, always one to be the center of attention rolled out of his chair, onto the floor. This of course brought a roar of laughter from the classroom, except the Prof. No, he was pissed. And rightly so. Two bumbling drunkards entering his class, he had all the right to have us expelled from class. Our saving grace? He liked us. Actually, I received A's from his class, because he enjoyed my arguments of social structures and systems with caste societies. I compared ours in a thesis to him which I think he enjoyed, but gave me a C, it scared him. Rocked his view of HIS world and glimpsed into the future of mine.

It seems KJ and I bonded for recreational purposes. Boys jus' wanna have fun! Immortal young men!!! Never hard drugs, recreational, but a lot of beer and wine. CHEEP wine! Which brings me to this episode. It was an early Spring day. Winter's intolerable cruelty had passed and leaves were coming back to embue the earth with it's majesty of "new life". ...?...did i just say that?! KJ and I took advantage of our hour break until our next class, Ceramics. Ceramics was cool. The teacher was a young woman who appreciated Avant Gard ideas. Needless to say some of the students were taking advantage of that to experiment fashioning inconspicuous "one hitters" and porcelain "Bongs". Anyway, KJ and I thought this day was to be celebrated by travelling the backroads of natures beauty. I had my VW with a sunroof which immediately was opened to massive rays of sunlight. However, something was missing..."Why, yes! A L C O H O L!" "To the liquor store, my trusty steed!" Whereupon we proceeded to purchase two bottles of Annie Green Springs finest!

Ahh! Backroads with the Allman Brothers blasting from the 8track and cheep wine. Ya, know, a sunroof in a Volkswagon is quite the item, especially when sitting atop the roof, steering with your feet (3rd gear is THE BEST!) drinking a tart, sweet beverage and soaking up the Spring sunshine. KJ says, "What you think? Another bottle?" ...Duh! Another trip to the proprietor of fine exquisite wines for less and we walk away with a bottle of Boone's Farm and, "Hey! Let's try this one." Manishevitz. Yes, dear Readers, this is why there is a Jewish Nation. To our chagrin we were late for class and drove immediately there to apologise and express our reasons for tardiness. We then excused ourselves back to the VW to finish our Manishevitz.

Ya, know. People put up with a lot of shit thinking, "Oh, that's just their Artistic side expressing itself." No, that's IRRESPONSIBILTY!!! That's two guys with too much time and no focus!! Even though I was getting straight A's in art and my German classes. I remember KJ and I walking back into the Ceramics class, stumbling really. KJ went somewhere and I wanted to work. I sat at the potter's wheel with a lump of clay. These were the kind you kick the wheel, no electricity. I threw my clay on the wheel and kicked furiously for the monetum to build. Let me add at this time that water is a necessary ingredient to "working" the clay. When I placed my hands on the dry lump I shot like a rocket to the floor! Immediately I sprang to my feet listening to the laughter of classmates and realized I needed to rid myself of the toxins in my body! I bolted for the door and ran outside for a spot to release the waters of evil. AH!! KJ!! He, too shared the same thought. As we lay prone several feet from the road, in sandburs wretching our guts out we were amazed at the purple colored liquid in the sand. After several minutes two classmates came to our rescue fearing a car might run over us and took us inside. I ran for the bathroom! As I curled against the cold porcelain bowl a classmate came in grabbed me by my hair (it was slightly longer than shoulder length and as he pulled my head back, "Manishevitz?!", he asked. "How did you know?!!" ....my white TShirt had a purple streak from my neck to my belt. To this day dear Readers, if it don't come from Napa, or a Michigan Winery, I don't drink it.

The Cheech & Chong act came about unexpectedly. KJ and I had began to mimick speaking like Chicanos before we ever heard of Cheech & Chong. It became a part of us I guess, because we were two unemployed, full time college boys with too much time. Our "act" so to speak even gave us an opportunity to join a comedy team, but were turned down when they asked us to cleanup the language a bit. ...no, that wouldn't be US. Buh-Bye Oppportunity.

KJ and I had met many people from different backgrounds, but one in particular was DAVE. Dave was a Thalydmide experiment. His mother took the drug in the 5o's that gave some women deformed babies. Dave had no legs (flippers) one arm with a thumb and two fingers and the other arm was a flipper. Dave could play guitar, piano and fly a plane. He could walk with a pair of prosthetic legs and had a mechanical arm that could crush anything in it's grip. He also had a sense of humor. As summer came about and we were on break from college, KJ, Dave, myself and another friend decided to go to Lk Michigan for the day. Of course, wine and beer was our picnic basket. Dave could walk upright, but not on sand. Discarding his mechanics he used his one arm to get himself to the beach. Quite a thing to see! He propelled himself in a fashion that resembled an ape. Anyway, several hours later we all awoke from our drunken stupor to return back to the car. Dave was incapable of moving across the sand so we placed him inside our blanket and dragged him. Dave has a sense of humor. Did I mention that before?! As we were about to crest a small dune there was a family coming over the top. Mom, Dad and two small children. I looked at Dave in the blanket and said, "Dave, play along!" As we were dragging the blanket with the unnoticeable lump inside I started yelling for help!! The family, curious as to my rantings and pleas came running toward us. At that point Dave rolled out of the blanket and started thrashing about in the sand! I said, "Something's in the water and attacked our friend!!" I swear there were several inches of air under everyone's feet in that family! I didn't realise the impact our joke would play. I hope counseling has helped that poor family.

There were many episodes I could write about KJ and myself, but it would make a small book and I'm not dedicating that much time to it. I will end this with the virtues of my relationship with KJ. Even though I spoke of alcohol ALOT there was something KJ had that astounds me to this day. His ability to see the future! Actually, it was foresight.

He once told me as we were standing line at a convenience store that someday in order to expedite "checkout" a laser scanner would do the work (we're talking early 70's dear Readers). He also said that money would become a thing of the past and we'd use cards, like credit cards. He was fearful and respecting of Big Brother. And he works with them to this day.

His imagination and zest for life, his sometime opinionated zeal, his creativity and ability to fix a car (very important when you're on a budget in college) earned my respect. His sometime harsh honesty, but love for his fellow being captivated and helped me understand another faction of this world of ours.

He once told me that at the moment of his death, right before breathed his last breath, he would concentrate on the Universe. He wanted to believe that he would be able to use his soul to explore the Universe looking for new planets and the possibility of life on other worlds. I find that very profound.

I hope your quest has not changed, my friend. We've been tempered by the years and I thank my lucky stars that I am now returning to my past to recapture that zest for living and my Art!

Thank you, KJ!

Working on it

Ran 10 miles yesterday. Not bad for a 55 yr old dude w/ asthma, high blood pressure and a heart muu-muu.

Then I had planned on staying at home (yes, i still live there..) until my friend "Barney" called.

There went my 10 mi run.

Running is good for my soul. The freedom of locomotion. The weather of course, is changing, becoming cooler which affects my astma (must remember to get a new inhaler). This time of year however, the colors of the trees, the intense blue of the sky, it's awesome!. I run into the countryside. Sometimes where I grew up. Brings back memories.

Oh, well, just a short blog today, 'cause tonight I WILL write about the next influential person in my life. I am skipping two others momentarily, because my friend called me the other day "out of the blue". I was reminded of the times we had which I definitely have to write about.

If I have offended some of you with my postings, I apologise. I must say that there will be things in the future that I shall write which may become more offensive to some. To that I say, "turn off the TV". This blogsite is my story, my life. It's an interpretaion of the World's most "Unfamous" Artist. It is an epitaph to my life and in turn I read it myself to figure out what the heck, and where do I go from here?! It is a "Chronological History of the Artist". Should I die tomorrow not having completed my works of art, this blogsite will explain how one person at least tried (late in life) to fullfil his dreams, desires and passions and the most definite reasons why some of it did not culminate.

It is the other side of John Lidecker that most of you never met. I'm the "fun guy", the "drunken sot artist", the "push-over"....I could go on, that most of you know. There are the few that know the other side, the serious, the knowledge seeking, the naive, the passionate.

So, it is with this blogsite that I tell my story of my life. As I said in an earlier blog, to quote one of my favourite musicians, "Some of it's tragic, most of it magic..."

Peace.

If I were President

IF I WERE PREZ, I'D;

MAKE XANAX A NAT'L SOFT DRINK

I'D HAVE CHIMPANZEES SHIT ON MY LAWN

I'D HAVE SEX WITH A BLOWUP DOLL AND TELL HER "YES, IT WAS GOOD!"

I'D MOVE

I'D TRY TO THINK OF ALL THE WOMEN I'VE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH

I'D DRINK MORE SOY MILK

I'D KILL THE SOYCOW

I'D MAKE THE NAT'L DEBT DISAPPEAR LIKE DUST OUT MY ASS

(then I'd take residuals and buy an island off the the coast of Shiitscreaminoutmyasshole)

I'D SCREW THE V-PREZ IF SHE HAD A BEAVER (then brag)

I'D BUY A PIECE OF SHIT REALESTATE IN A TRAILER PARK IN NILES

I'D GOLF ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL DAY

I'D BUY MY GRAND KIDS A MERCEDES w/ A DRIVER

I'D ALSO TELL THEM IT WAS, "short term".

I'D SPEND THE DAY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS

I'D SHOW EVERYONE MY PIERCED NIPPLE AND BE PROUD

I'D GO TO THE UN AND TELL EVERYONE THAT "XANAX" IS NOW A WORLDWIDE SOFTDRINK

I'D RESSURECT MY PARENTS FROM THE DEAD SO THEY COULD SEE FOR THEMSELVES

I'D MAX MY CREDIT CARDS

I'D EAT A TWOlb STEAK

I'D VISIT SOMEONE ON DEATH ROW

I'D FIND OUT WHY WE DON'T HAVE A CURE FOR CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'D FIND OUT WHY SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING DOESN'T LET US HAVE THAT CURE!

I'D TRACK THEM DOWN AND SUE THEM AND THEIR OFFSPRING FOR THE NXT 30GEN

I'D GET RID OF NURSING HOMES AND TELL THE KIDS TO BE RESPONSIBLE

I'D TELL MY SONS, "I LOVE YOU" MORE THAN I PRESENTLY DO

I'D TELL THE WORLD, "WE AIN'T RESPONSIBLE FO' YO' ASS ANYMORE!"

but we know, that ain't gonna happn.

Peace!

Close Encounters of the Weird Kind

Ya know, basically, I had a good childhood. I had an overwhelming mother, but I assume it was due to my health issues as a child. It sucked having Asthma, it sucked being anemic, it sucked having ear infections that persisted a good portion of my young life.

So, when I wanted to do something with friends there were always restrictions. That's why I loved jumping into bales of hay and running free in the midwestern countryside wheezing and gasping for air. Ah, sweet freedom!

It was a magical period of life. Exploring woods, shooting BB guns, hell!, shooting shotguns with magnum shells that could knock a kid on his ass.

Living in the country was great, but limited to how many friends one could have depending on your geo'locale.

I guess that's when I started to foster my creative side which had an impact on how I would later choose my friends.

I met "D" in our home room in middle school. He was to say the least, weird. He was totally into something else of a more intellectual level. Of course, he and I and Lawrence were all three "different". Each complimenting the other.

It wasn't until my HSchool years that our friendship actually bonded and we became our "own clique".

"D" was interested in the sciences, Lawrence in electricity, me, well, insurance. The kind of insurance a small skinny kid in HS needs, basically, big friends. Trust me HS was one place I did not want to be. There were the Jocks that enjoyed the torment. I remember many a trash can and locker and toilet. It's kinda good to know that I can outrun most of them today at 55.

Back to "D"...

We "hung out" as a group. There were quite a few of us "misfits" that felt easy in the company of one another.

As I mentioned in my blog of Lawrence, it was "D" who was the "brainiac" in our little rock band. It was "D" who came up with the name of our band The Pyloric Valves. It was "D" who named the song Intestinal Trek. And it was "D" who saw our band going nowhere. We had fun, but sisters don't make good groupies.

After graduation "D" and I lost touch, but still mantained a friendship. It was 1971, Nam was in the picture, social movements were the issues and there was the infamous, "Jesus Freak" train which "D" got on board.

Mind you, I'm not of any denomination and don't wish to be, I figure we all die the same and whatever happens, happens. My epitaph will read; "Don't know where I came from, don't know where I'm going". I'm not opposed to religion and I try to think of myself as a "spiritual" kinda guy in the sense that I believe life is more special, mysterious and multidimensional than any words, or thoughts could ever concieve. If I don't know, who should know better?!! Eh?

"D" joined the masses and started his church. It almost seemed he had changed overnight from the "arguing against the existence of God" to the complete opposite. And I have to say (sorry "D") it was unbearable. He was constantly trying to get me to join. The harder he tried the more I avoided him.

So, you're probably wanting to know how he was one of the influences in my life?!

He piqued MY intelectual side. He was and is without a doubt one of the few people in my life that knows something about everything. I kid you not. "D" is one of those individuals who constantly asks questions. Never afraid to delve into areas of the mind, sciences, life, etc.

The other redeeming quality about him is his giving nature and his concern for his friends and family.

He has tempered from the years. His mind is still asking questions and his faith guides his path in life. To this day we remain best of friends and regard each other with the respect of brothers.

I enjoy the conversations I can have with he and a few that I can't with others (no disrespect intended). We don't talk politics, but we talk science, the arts and issues more closely related to the human species than a couple "puppet" politicians could muster.

And I can say he cooks a "good" steak.

It is nice to grow older with good friends in which life is momentarily comfortable with a good single malt scotch and a good cigar.

Now that's livin'!!!

Take care my friend. We'll see each other soon.

Love Ya!

Bitch Session #23A

Just got back from my run. tomorrow it's a visit with my new best friend The Cardiologist. I won't stop running. I've been running for 40 of my 55 years. I think it's what has helped me through times when rough sailing made the waves crash over my bow.

It's also when I take time to think. It's My Time.

I reflect about my future, present and past.

The past is what it is.

The present is, well, my bad, Limbo.

And the future is,..uncertain.

There are things I want to do and I'm not doing them!

I know what it is and it's my fault.

My Art is what is most important to me right now and it's NOT happening.

My mother told me some years back of an opportunity my father had when he was employed by Bendix Corporation in So. Bend, In.

Seems he was a fledgling engineer with something most employees there at the time lacked a bit of; common sense married with creativity.

As my mother put it the company saw potential in my father, so much so they offered him a position at their facility in Brasil. No, not Brazil, Indiana, Brasil, So. America.

Villa, servants, private schools,..............

My mother?? "I'm not moving where there's snakes and Indians." True to her southern roots.

So, opportunity was there and my father gave it up for family and his wife. I'm shaking my head right now.

So, here I am at 55 years of age running my ass off (literally my pants sag, OH God!!) and trying to obtain my Opportunity. I know what my friend Barney is saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, quit'cher bitchin'." He's right.

Beautiful day today. Leaves are turning. Great for running.

Tonite, I'll introduce you, dear readers, to my 3rd influence.

Sorry, just had to vent. Beats painting graffiti on walls.

Is it me?

Some things in life are truly awe inspiring. For instance, watching a cool sunset, walks in the park, cruisin; in my ride....oh, god, I've got to cut back on the Mc Donalds double cheeseburger, the hormone injected beef is taking effect.
What is really awesome and perplexing at the same time is, rather, are cords, hoses, ropes and anything else that falls into that category of "what the f...?!"
It's like. I dunno know, "I rolled it up; I wrapped the cord back on the sweeper; I put the hoses back on the hose rack..."
But, here's the situation.
I get the cord out, or the hose and there's a knot. A KNOT!! HOW?!!! And, if you start to untangle rope,..well, there's more knots!!
I don't get it.
By the way, crude oil is down to $77 a barrel. That's $60 down from two months ago. And people are flocking to the pumps again!!
"WOW! $3 a gal!"
must be the knots.........

By the way, I'll be writing about another person tomorrow. gotta build some signs today.

Okay. This has got to stop!!!!

Dear Readers,

whatever happened to good ol' common sense and responsibility?! hmmmn? I can't figure it out anymore. Case in point; as I was doing my daily run I crossed Main St Bridge in town (Niles). Okay. I have mentioned to others around town about the tree growing "out of the bridge". View the pic. However, this evening as I was running across the bridge, bemused by the tree, I noticed..."AhHa!! What is this?!" ....no, "What is THAT?!!!" Immediately I curled into a fetal position holding my stomach and convulsing in a bastion of laughter!! "This is it!! Enough!! I must call someone...hmm, who else would appreciate this degradation to our humble bridge?" "Ah, my friend Todd Keller!" "We share a common bond of the mundane."

A cellphone is an incredible device. I remember as a kid we only had "makebelieve" toys that didn't EVEN COME CLOSE to our modern day toys!!

I called Todd and he came immediately to the bridge. "Yep, that's a trowel (what he called it eludes me momentarily, but he described it as such). They use them for smoothing concrete".

Alright. Somebody just tell me why an IDIOT is working on a bridge? An IDIOT so stoopid as to leave his trowel embedded in the concrete wall of a bridge?!! Evidently he wasn't hired for his workmanship. Could it be?!! Maybe he was hired, because the person whom contracted the crew to repair the bridge did what??!! HIRED THE LOWEST BIDDER!!!YES!! Somebody give me a Star to put on my fridge!! "I feel giddy". not like that, you dolts!

Can somebody respond and tell me What is Happening? Pleez??

By the way, should you wish to respond to these blogs and seem unable to..email me. lidecker@aol.com

SEE YA!!?

Maybe he should've buried it deeper so the concrete wouldn't have POPPED off like that. Naw, what the hell. If you're a moron there's no other way to screwup!!! You Rock, Moron Dude!!!

Adam Bomb aka: Lawrence of A'Maniac

I have to say without a doubt, my life has been a most interesting one. But, if it were not for the company I seek and hang with,...well, just shoot me, 'cause it would've been mundane. There're a lot more crazies out there to hang with, too.

It was the late 60's when I met him. We shared the same home room in High School. As I said in my previous blog bein' a country kid was tough. And those of you who are from Niles might think otherwise, or not. So, what does one do?! Look for someone to be your friend RIGHT AWAY!!!

I noticed immediately there was something different about him. It was the way he looked at me. No. His eyes weren't fluttering....pervs. It was, well, one eye would look at you and the other, well, it was looking a little left of you. I knew right away I needed to be his friend.

You see, I just didn't "fit in" with the rest of the kids. I wasn't a jock. We certainly were not a family of wealth and...I just couldn't accept the fact that life had to follow a certain path. I dunno how to splain. Back then most of my friends had graduated to a level of "strangeness". I needed that.

So, here was Lawrence. Different and totally insane. F'rinstance. His father owned a 53' 4 wheeled barge that sucked about 7 miles to the gallon. Course, back then gas was less than 25cents a gallon. Can you imagine?!! Anyway, that 53' could travel a 100 miles an hour and you felt like you were riding on a cloud. It became a totally different thing however, when "L" would let go of the steering wheel and just recline. WE WERE 16 YEARS OLD!!! Stoopidity is not part of the visage of Immortality.

But, that wasn't enough; "L" would make me drive das boot and at 100 mph he would climb out the window and stand on the hood of the car! In winter it became our snowplow. Blizzards were "our cup 'o tea". We'd tie a sled to a rope and the bumper of the 53' and cruise backroads. I remember travelling down a country road one night (yes, night. it was against the law......shhh) and "L" had the wheel to the barge. We were going about 65mph (we would call out the speed to let you know how fast you were travelling before you crashed and burned) when all of a sudden the snowpacked road turned to bumpy ice. I remember trying yell, stop, but the impact of my back to the rutted ice made me sound like I was huffing Helium. "L" of course didn't realise I had fallen off the sled until it overtook him on a turn and noticed "it" was solo.

When he returned I tried to mouth a few words, the impact had not only knocked my breath away, but also knocked one of my boots off. But, that wasn't the only thing. A dog had come from a nearby farm to checkout the commotion. After licking my face with globs of dogglop he'd noticed the lone boot. "AHA!" "PLAYTOY!!!!" Bye boot.

Anyway, daredevil escapades gave way to night trips. I mean, like "L" would knock on my bedroom window at midnight and say, "C'mon!" And we'd cruise. There was one particular night however that left an impression on me I can still remember as clearly as the weekend it happened.

"L" came over at midnight on a Friday...same o', same o'. So I thought. But this time there was something different. Something different about him. We didn't talk much, but we drove into the night. Little did I know things were going to happen in such a fashion that it changed my perspective on life and it's fragility. We drove, my friends. We drove. By the time we'd stopped we were in Detroit's Metro Airport. It was mid morning and "L" had this look of charged energy that I'd never noticed. And then the PA in the airport paged Ike and Tina Turner. That wasn't all of it though! As we raced with the crowds I accidentally ran into someone while looking elsewhere. As I stopped to apologise I noticed the man with long hair and dark sunglasses looked familiar. He said" Sorry, my fault." "L" just stood there, jaw open, not able to speak. It was Jim Morrison. Yes, people, I ran (literally) into a Door!!!!! "L" was mesmerized. I was like, "who?!" (My parents were very conservative. Lawrence Welk was on the TV).

We left Detroit Metro and continued east. I never questioned "L", or his motives. Heck, after that what else could happen? Something else did, though. We crossed into Canada after losing our way through Detroit. Followed the coastline of Lake Erie into the night until we could no longer stay awake. I remember Point Pelee, the sign said. We parked and fell into a deep sleep.

The rap on the window scared the crap out of both of us! A Mountie. He said the park was closed, but would give us break for the night. Good dude.

I woke the next morning and "L" was not in the car. I got out and walked down to the beach of Lake Erie. He was standing there looking into the distance, the American side of the Lake. I then knew why we'd come this far. The horizon was a dark cloud. Not a thundercloud, but one of smoke. The Lake caught fire that year and we were there to see it burn.

Our senior year in high school was just as fun and maniacal as the years before. As with most young people back then we'd concocted this idea we wanted to be Rock Stars. Our group was comprised of 3 of us and our band name after much thought and the third member being the "brainiac" he was and is, named us, The Pyloric Valves. Look it up in your medical dictionaries. I'm going to let you do some of the work here, too.

After being shot down for so many auditions we finally called it quits. We did manage to copyright a song which is probably in some dusty, dank shelf in the copyright office. It was called "Intestinal trek". that should give you a clue to the band name.

Graduation gave way to summer jobs and college. I on the other hand had to work longer and save for my entire tuition, because my father didn't want to pay for an Artist in the family. (Artists are fags). Thanks Dad!

"L" went to one of the local colleges and then to Western Michigan Univ. I enjoyed going up on the weekends to visit with, because I could was able to sit in with him on his midnight shows. "L" was a campus DJ with the radio name....Adam Bomb! It was awesome! Chicks were calling, people were buying us pizzas, he was a celebrity on campus.

But the candle began to burn out. "L's" girlfriend ran off with the Domino's Pizza guy and he went into a spiral of depression. I remember our last night together before he left. We'd been partying into the wee hours and he was giving me a ride home. I kinda dozed off for a moment and then was startled awake by crashing noises. "L" was travelling over 120mph and running into mailboxes!!! "Shit, Man! I don't want to die with you!" I said.

A month later I received a postcard from him. He'd travelled to Arizona and stayed with some relatives then headed to Texas. His car was nearly swallowed by the Gulf of Mexico as he sat alone on a beach. He'd noticed the tide rising and decided to move his car. Had it not been for the Texan with the four wheel drive it no doubt would become a shallow reef.

Years passed and the letters grew thin. I caught the occassional window washer for skyscrapers in downtown Houston. The microwave tower repairman for the "Free Cuba"radio stations. And then silence. For nearly 20 years.

As I was sitting at home one night early this summer the phone rang. Lisa, my wife answered and then handed the headset to me. It was "L". And he was in the area. He'd left Houston to come home and get a job. I was excited to see him! We could catch up on ol' times......

When I saw him I hugged him. But, I was shocked to see he had fallen victim to hard times. REAL HARD times. He was homeless, penniless, jobless. It hurt to see him that way. There was nothing I could to do help. Money, was short-term. He needed a job. But, as I told him, "We're too old, man!" "The job market wants young people, not 50 somethings." He wouldn't accept it. At least until he was beaten by the odds and the hard truth. I told him he had to find the strength inside to do it alone. And it is "alone", my friends. In the past 5 years I have submitted online and in person over 1,000 applications! Seriously, it's freakin' scary!!! Had I known what was in store for me earlier (before the "you gotta go" thing) I would've accepted several positions that were offered to me. But, that meant moving and the wife, she "wasn't leaving her job". Can't say as I blame her. At the time I stayed for family...........................whatever....

Back to "L".

He was gone toward the end of the summer. Tired of living in run down hotel rooms and tired of begging for money for food and gas. A month ago I received a postcard of Colorado on it. He was in Idaho (I know, Colo., Idaho...he's just that way). He, too, has a blogsite and it reminds me of the friend I knew a long time ago. Talent! He's crazy in a very talented way. I'll give the blogsite after this summary.

"L" was definitey an impact in my life. Maybe he was the one who opened that door to "mayhem" and shoved me in.

his blog: wakinguphorny.blogspot.com

It's funny, sad but creative.

I hope all is well with you my friend. I wish it was different and I miss you.

We had a helluva ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!